There’s a principle in writing fiction which also applies to developing emotional intimacy. People connect to characters with clear goals. The characters need obvious reasons to struggle. Seeing the reasons helps us believe they’re real and makes us connect to them.
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The same principle which connects us to characters also connects us to people. Using “I Want” statements to show people your goals for the future help them understand your drives and feel closer to you. “I want a secure home for my kids.” “I want an honorable husband.”
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By the same token, hiding your goals causes others to feel you’re either flat and one-dimensional or devious and sneaky. At the very least, hiding your wants and goals broadcasts to others you don’t trust them and don’t want to get close.
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When setting up new relationships, a great game to play is the I Want Game. Pick a topic. Say “I want...” and define your goal for that topic. Then the other person does the same. Afterward you switch and they pick a topic and start the “I want” cycle. This helps you connect.
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Get out there and start defining your needs, wants, and goals. The people around you will finally understand you, you’ll connect better with others, and you just may find people jumping to help you now that they see you have a goal.
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Behold! The fusion of writing technique & psychology produces a power stronger than the sum of its parts!
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I read this in a Dragon Ball Z voice.
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