Insecure parents treat adult kids like emotional indentured servants. They don’t feel compelled to earn respect, they feel entitled to it because of all they’ve provided over the years. That’s not a relationship. That’s emotional hostage taking. Do not be blackmailed or cowed.
In all things ask what will make them a better adult. Use discipline versus punishment, teaching an appropriate lesson by leveraging consequence instead of inflicting pain to teach avoidance. In all things, ask what lesson you are teaching. Make sure it’s the right one.