boomers: snowflake
millenials: ok boomer
boomers: this is illegal discrimination
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Sophie Saint Thomas
@TheBowieCat
Journalist covering sexuality and psychedelics 
5x author Finding Your Higher Self Glamour Witch agent
5x author Finding Your Higher Self Glamour Witch agent Sophie Saint Thomas’s Tweets
the most sincere apology you will ever give is when you accidentally step on your pet
Good dick:
- is secure in itself
- understands aftercare
- keeps promises
- fucks your brains out (like literally there should be snot)
- addresses their trauma
- doesn’t belittle yours
- texts back
- isn’t afraid of intimacy even in casual set ups
- can be any gender
- 🤤
be kind to the queer goths this weekend they are standing strong in all that black
why subtweet when you can walk straight up to an enemy and say "I can out-fuck and out-fight you" we're all animals let's be honest
Americans: We want gun control
Government: How about we just start rounding up anyone we deem mentally ill instead, in case you weren't terrified enough that we're Nazis
I don’t know who needs to hear this but if you can survive 2020 you can survive the upcoming Mercury retrograde
Listen: If a man describes his exes as "crazy" he is telling you he treated them in a manner so horribly that they reacted, and one day when you learn this side of him you will become the ex of whose mental health he mocks to new women he's fucking.
The Hitachi Wand is a piece of furniture. You don't have to put it away. We're all adults here. Plus, leaving it out doubles as easy access to a blunt force object should intruders attack you in your own home.
that warm fuzzy feeling when an ex contacts you wanting to know if you’ve hexed them based on how horribly their life is going
remember just because you have a uterus doesn’t mean you are under obligation to procreate, it can just be your magic goth organ that pours blood from your pussy once a month
I have been raped, shot at, and survived my house literally crumbling on top of me during a hurricane(s) and some of you stalker trolls still think that a mean tweet or Instagram comment is going to affect me. I'm here, I'm a good writer, and I'm not going anywhere. Move along.
Scarcity mindset is a myth. There is room for everyone. We must make room for everyone. Beliving there is only room for a few and viewing others as the enemy rather than friends and collaborators will do nothing but limit you professionally.
Me in 2017: I’m a writer
Me in 2018: I write about health and relationships
Me in 2019: I write about fucking and weed
the best part about getting verified on Twitter is that I was dressed up as Marilyn Manson from the Dope Show when I got the email
My official statement on today's polyamory debate after a decade of reporting on this shit: A small (important) amount of people successfully practice polyamory ethically. As it became normalized, unfortunately, many use the term as a pretentious excuse for poor behavior.
keep your Hitachi wand by your bed for easy access to fall asleep masturbation and also so you have a club to clobber any intruders to death
George W. Bush appointed Alito in case anyone needs a reason to stop acting like he's a cute old uncle
and for the zillionth time, feminists who are attracted to dudes LOVE MEN AND WE WANT THE DICK. We want good men to dick us down (consensually) so badly that we pour chunks of our life into trying to teach you to get it right 🙃
happy pride to all the “best friends” I hooked up with in high school who are married to men now
anything can be abused but sex addiction isn’t real, sex drives vary, high sex drives are normal, being a pervert is rad, sex can be for fun or an expression of love, there’s nothing wrong with you, good night
I just want to let everyone one here who has been following me since college and slut-shamed me for my early work that I am speaking at fucking MoMa on Saturday guess I can be successful and write about sex 👅 ps sluts have excellent memories
as a collective society truly one of the best things we can do to fight toxic masculinity is to allow boys to cry and men to seek mental health treatment so while I’m pretty gay these days going on record that a cishet man with a therapist is HOT
Before you start shaming someone for going back to work, remember to ask yourself: Do I have a trust fund?
as a bisexual, it is difficult to exclusivity hate men, because you know every gender can be insufferable
I can't believe that I managed to grow up to be a well-adjusted, sex-positive queer sex writer only to have to spell out s-e-x on media platforms for fear of losing my ability to promote my livelihood.
What’s the difference between weed and a boyfriend? No one’s ever died from weed.
honestly mad at every single one of us for not guessing his password sooner
a non-traditional life is not a failure and never let society tell you otherwise
listen everyone when quarantine is over ALL OF YOU need to dress sluttier
A Christian protest group at SXSW was walking through the street holding signs shouting “witches live among us!” and I stared at them with a cigarette in my hand (I’m in Texas) and said deadpan “I am a witch.” They gave the best facial expression reaction I’ve seen in a while.
I have this, in addition to my ketamine IV treatments, and it's a goddamn miracle drug for those with treatment-resistant depression, PTSD, and/or suicidal thoughts. AMA re: ketamine twitter.com/Dazed/status/1
This Tweet is unavailable.
water signs use the 😭 emoji to express love, sadness, horniness, frustration, gratitude, stress, confusion, joy, etc
can I just say how nice it was to have a happy day in this country
wearing a mask below the nose is like fucking in a condom with the tip cut off
It's on Amazon so I can finally tell you! I am writing a book on cannabis and self-care with and 😎 I would like to thank my agent of and marijuana. Pre-order it here! It's out in November! amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS
stop apologizing for who you are and make others apologize for their outdated beliefs
I don’t know who needs to hear this but it’s okay to feel joy where you can find it
This is scientifically incorrect. Feeling a lack of purpose can be a side effect of depression. My purpose is to dispell shame around sex, mental health, and cannabis through writing. I was depressed because I was shot at and groped. Take your harmful mansplaining elsewhere, sir.
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Replying to @TheBowieCat
Is everyone who’s depressed aware that it’s because they lack purpose in life?
right now astrologically everyone feels like they have extreme PMS
look trust me I know that this world is cruel and evil and fucked up place but I fought with my life to become a happy person and I am never letting anyone take that away from me and neither should you
If your cannabis legalization plan doesn't include a plan to end mass incarceration and free the hordes of POC in prison for doing what white folks (I include myself in this) are getting paid for, work in the cannabis industry, you DON'T have my vote. The issues are intertwined.
Haters: You think wearing rose quartz will help with self-love? Crazy fucking hippies
Also haters: This diamond on my finger will bring me a lifetime of monogamy
Me: I had a good day! My book deal for Sex Witch is official!
Cishet dude Tinder match: YOU REALLY THINK YOU KNOW THAT MUCH MORE ABOUT SEX THAN THE REST OF US HOTSHOT?
men: wait don’t use your sexuality to get ahead I thought I was going to use that to oppress you
If you are a couple looking to have an enjoyable threesome with no drama here is the only way to do it: get off Tinder and hire an escort (and treat her with respect)
Can we take a moment to mourn how hard and heartbreaking this pandemic has made it to maintain friendships 💔
Cancer season is for getting fucked so good you either start to cry or blurt out I love you
*spoiler alert* That moment in #SharpObjects * when the detective tells Camille she's just "drunk and a slut" says so much about male fragility and how men dismiss and refuse to even try to understand women's trauma; I honestly could write a book about that one scene.
Replying to
I also believe that if bisexuality in men wasn't stigmatized and bisexuality in women wasn't fetishized, there were be far fewer "poly" situations involving the misuse of privilege by cishet men at the emotional (and physical) expense of marginalized genders.
Replying to
a fuck ton of people just learned that their rapist is going free let’s hold off the jokes today
Someone can be a survivor and still be a predator. In fact the cycle of abuse explains this—but it does not excuse. Everyone has a responsibility to take care of their shit so they don’t hurt others.
I am so proud to be a sex writer and it drives me insane when people hate on the job. Have you heard of FOSTA-SESTA, or Mike Pence's views on gay people? These are topics we cover, in addition to trying to normalize sex so no one is filled with shame.
let’s all admit we clean our apartments for one reason and one reason only: in case we get laid
don’t cancel me but did the boomers rebrand anorexia as intermittent fasting
I just saw a neon sign that read “sushi” and my whole face lit up because I’m hungry and want sushi but it turned out to be a shop for neon signs and not for sushi
do kids these days smoke out of plastic soda bottle with tin foil and shitty weed from an unmarked sandwich bag or are the glory days over
Hot take: The world is awful; let them sun their assholes in peace. I bet it feels delightful.
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'Perineum sunning' is latest insanity wellness influencers swear by trib.al/nMFWcfT
This is my monthly shout out to all my exes' current partners who online stalk me I understand that may be difficult at times
shout out to the bisexuals fighting biphobia while also proudly exhibiting every stereotype in the book (issues with monogamy, absurdly horny, fondness for group sex)
Yesterday I gave the most epic eulogy to my grandma! In a big church! In front of tons of people! I think I made her proud!
and then later at the reception a drunk guy told me how beautiful I looked up there and grabbed my ass
this is why we’re mad
me flashing my medical card when someone gets annoyed at the smell of my weed
oh my god... lesbian sex is so hot...women do this thing with their mouths...it’s so good....where they keep it closed until you’re done finishing your sentence
confession I had a matching tattoo with an ex and I didn't know if I should keep it and the pain or remove it which wouldn't remove the pain so today I finally just poured it in sunrays and roses and love and now look how pretty
how many days into 2020 did you make it before the pain of being human hit
some advice I can give as a full-time freelancer that seems pertinent today is to be loyal to editors who are good to you, and a good relationship with an editor or writer you like can be more valuable (and reliable) than one with a brand
I fly to Iceland tonight. I believe I will see the Northern Lights. As a witch, I must masturbate underneath them while in awe of and trusting how loved I am by the universe, right?
I have to say, I used to get regular (like monthly) colds & sinus infections and since I started wearing masks and washing my hands like a maniac I haven't had a single one...since COVID started! This shit actually works!
I am thrilled to announce my fourth book, GLAMOUR WITCH, an investigation into the art of glamour from beauty to body modifications, complete with glamour magick rituals 💋 out Fall 2021
before you post spiritual bullshit about how this is meant to be maybe just put your head in the toilet instead
In your relationships, of any form, always, always remember: No response is a response. Accept it, even respect it, and carry on towards those who show up.
pussy: do it
brain: wait let’s talk about thi-
pussy: bitch I breathe blood you’ll do whatever I say
and for my last party trick: how to hide your vape pen when you’re paranoid about bag searches
remember them as former lovers rather than exes and your life story becomes far more beautiful
Donald Trump has ruined caps lock for me. It used to just remind me of cocaine.
“Lucky” by Britney Spears deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for its accurate depiction of depression’s indiscrimination and disregard of someone’s social status
I saved up for a very long time to pay for my nose job, but I got an American Express travel credit card just for the nose job, charged the whole thing on the card, then paid it off now I have a gazillion points and the question is....where should I go for my nose job vacation??
I am currently committed to a woman but I just want to remind cis men that wearing makeup is HOT
There are a lot of people from my past popping back up as I get book deals and have a healthy relationship and I just want to say fuck you
COVID made asking questions such as “When were you last tested?” and “Are you seeing other people?” required — really hope Hot Girl Summer is also safe girl summer as asking such questions become normalized around STIs and monogamy as well