MehGyver

@TheAndrewNadeau

Producer and host of Spitfire Comedy Staff Writer at , writer for Netflix Family

Chicago, IL
Vrijeme pridruživanja: svibanj 2016.
Rođen/a 1986.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    11. ruj 2018.

    Plato’s Allegory of the Cave.

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  2. prije 5 sati

    Hey guys, I am going to be in San Diego mid-March! What should I make sure to do? Also going with my girlfriend if you have any date/couple ideas!

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  3. prije 5 sati

    It’s only illegal to duel. It’s not illegal to challenge someone to a duel. Which is fine because I wasn’t going to remember to show up anyway. And I think forgetting you had an appointment to murder someone is probably more hurtful than actually murdering them.

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  4. prije 13 sati

    BALTHAZAR: We are the 3 Wise Men. MARY: I don’t think you can just call yourselves that. Like, I’ll decide if you’re wise. BALTHAZAR: No it’s our title. MARY: Who gave it to you? BALTHAZAR: MARY: BALTHAZAR: We did. MARY: Yeah that’s what I thought. I’ll just call you Bart.

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  5. 4. velj

    The Bible thought literal paradise was 2 people hanging out in a garden not eating fruit so maybe it doesn’t actually know all that much.

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    Is no one going to talk about the tragedy of Mrs. Peanut? The pain of losing your husband, only to then have him reborn into a body which makes your love forbidden?

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  7. 3. velj

    [Watching halftime show] ME: I hope I look as good as Jlo when I’m 50. GIRLFRIEND: You don’t look that good now. ME: Yeah I’m not 50 yet.

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    A little while ago I got to ask lots of questions about joke writing and he was incredible. You can listen on pretty much any music app or here:

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  9. 2. velj

    A lot of people don’t watch the Super Bowl because they think not liking popular sports makes them look cool. Not me. I don’t watch it because I thought I saw a spider on my TV and I screamed and hit it with a chair.

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    [friend gets me to watch star wars for the 1st time] "a long time ago..." wait, you didn't say this was a historical film? "in a galaxy far far away" about geography and astronomy? what is this, fuckin school

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  11. 2. velj
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  12. 2. velj

    [Antiques Roadshow] APPRAISER: Well it’s not in very good condition. It looks like it hasn’t even been cleaned in awhile. How old is it? ME: I’m 33 and all of that hurt my feelings.

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj 2018.

    If you run out of pet names for your partner, just call them assorted baking ingredients: sugar, honey, cinnamon, vanilla, garlic powder, Montreal steak seasoning, butter, pumpkin.

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    13. svi 2014.

    Girl, are you a barnacle? Because you suck and I can't get you off my boat

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  15. 1. velj

    Just a reminder that nobody knew what was inside Willy Wonka’s factory when the contest happened. So people spent millions trying to find the golden ticket to witness what was most likely a standard assembly line operation.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    *feels any pain between my shoulders and my pelvis* Oh god it's appendicitis

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    Commander: PILLAGE THEIR LANDS! SALT THEIR FIELDS! Me: [furiously shaking a salt dispenser on a potato] it's not working sir, it's just getting tastier

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    When you’re sad but there’s nothing specific wrong so your brain tries to come up with something to justify why you’re sad like “well you don’t have chips so—“

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  19. 31. sij

    ME: Do you think Dory and Nemo were friends in real life? HER: What? How would—they’re cartoons. ME: No, obviously. I meant, like, the fish they were based off of.

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    Is the quiz just the one question or...?

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  21. 31. sij

    DAYTIME ANDREW: I am a smart, rational human being. NIGHTTIME ANDREW: I’m going to imagine a scenario where a person says something offensive to me and then get mad as if that person was real.

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