Andrew McAfee

The CDC has begun to recommend double-masking, or wearing one mask on top of another, in the vain hope that one of them might accidentally slip and go over your nose somehow.

Can we mulligan Mike Lee’s last reelection?

Do other countries do as much historical navel-gazing as Americans do? One way to say, “I’m smart!” is to spend a week with a book on American political history—do other countries do that with their own? Is there some Finnish person out there reading a book about Tarja Halonen?

“Sweet Child O’ Mine” really is the best song for boomers—it spends half the song not being able to decide if it’s about a hard-on for a woman or a hard-on for nostalgia and the other half acting like an impatient dad with a concussion asking “Where do we go now?” over and over.

You work your whole life just to afford the chips that you give to someone else so they can go play in the great big casino. And we’ve normalized this! This is the responsible thing to do now! Bet on a stock and you’re responsible. Bet on a horse race and you’re an addict.

Nice bloodless little term there, a ‘401k plan’. Let’s call it what it is. Your company takes part of your wages and gives it to one of these human vultures so they can play Douchebag Roulette with it. Fuck you if they lose, they still get paid.

And lucky us, we all have to go through the casino to achieve the benchmarks of basic existence now. You want to retire? You can’t do that on your wages alone—you have to go through the casino, and we’ll even make you think you’re NOT gambling by calling it a 401k plan.

The more I’m forced to pay attention to hedge funds and Wall St., the more I’m starting to think that the system can only be improved by a few gallons of gasoline and a match.

Archaeologist, paleontologist and part-time X-wing pilot.https://twitter.com/ThatEricAlper/status/1353515440253923328 …

I think if we went back to ask Andrew Jackson what he thought about being replaced on the $20 bill, he’d say something like, “What the HELL is my face doing on that trashy paper bill?! Did you idiots NOT get rid of the National Bank?!” and then he’d cane us to death.

So Dominion Voting is suing Rudy Giuliani for $1.2 billion—now I know these things are usually considered a starting bid, but knowing Rudy’s lawyering, he’ll probably talk them down to him having to pay them the entire GDP of Brazil.

Joe Biden’s schedule for today: setting policy goals to combat worst pandemic in a century. Bernie Sanders’ schedule for today: help prepare legislative package to provide relief to Americans crushed under inequality. Ted Cruz’s schedule for today: slapfight with Seth Rogen.

You know, it probably shouldn’t have been a surprise that coronavirus was gonna get outta control, given how every tabletop playthrough of Pandemic I’ve ever heard of ends in failure.

Yeah, I feels pretty good ‘bout the game I runned last night, I do.https://twitter.com/theramblingbard/status/1352447317933228039 …

#ThatGuyAtWork: “Ever read Orwell’s Animal Farm?” Me: “Here we go.” #ThatGuyAtWork: “I’m like Boxer the Horse. ‘I will work harder!’” Me: “No, you’re more of a smaller, more annoying knockoff horse constantly making braying noises. Y’know—a jackass.”