So it turns out that even after going through TWO steps and both clicking subscribe on my channel AND going through the extra step to set bell notifications to ALL you still aren't getting notifications...
Absolute bullshit.
Seriously @TeamYouTube is there anything I can do?
If you tap the bell for a specific channel and choose *all notifications* then you receive all notifications for every upload. If otherwise, you'll want to check account, device, and channel notification settings. Here's a troubleshooter with exact steps: https://goo.gl/giVA8o