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A few months ago my dude was looking for a tote bag to carry some things to the post office. I gave the biggest bag I had which happened to be bright pink and red. He saw the bag and immediately asked for another one. When I asked why he just insisted on a different color bag.
His insistence annoyed me and I started in on him fussing about it being sexist and homophobic, even to reject a bag based on thinking it’s too effeminate! He let me fuss at him for a minute and then finally she said “Baby, please stop. That’s not it!”
He said “I’m a 6’3 Black man. If I’m walking down the street with a bright pink bag I could look like I stole it from a woman - which could attract police attention. I’m never trying to give these cops a reason to stop me. Ever.” Never occurred to me.
Second story: A few years ago me and dude are out and come back to his car to find it vandalized. He parked by a driveway and partially blocked it and we concluded that the owners had vandalized the car. I get pissed and go knock on the door. They don’t answer so I’m yelling!
He’s telling me to calm down and forget it but I’m pissed! A few minutes later cop car rolls by and they stop and get out. I start to tell them what happened and they walk up on him and immediately start questioning him. I interrupt and say “excuse me HIS car was vandalized!”
The cops tell me to ‘be quiet’ and just as I’m about to turn all the way up on them he turns to me and says “Baby, please...” firmly. Then he calmly answers the cops questions even though they are rude and invasive. They take his license and keep asking ridiculous questions...
“What are you all doing here?” “Did you get into an altercation earlier tonight?” “If I knock on these people’s door what are they going to say?” I was fuming. Now I’m nervous. They eventually stop and let us go. We ride back to my house silently. He goes home.
Later he calls and says “Please don’t do that again.” I got it. I could hear the stress in his voice. I thought about both of these stories today. A lot. I know what’s it’s like worrying that my child, partner, brother or other loved ones will meet an Amy Cooper or worse...
I know my fears as a Black woman moving through the world. Especially one who has been harassed and harmed by police. My deep sadness today is for Black men and all Black people who for whom this stress and anxiety never relents.
So many Black folks have died of Covid. So many of them Black men. It’s hard not to feel under siege one way or another and it’s all just too much.
That’s all I’m saying I guess. I’m ranting my feelings right now because it’s all too much.
#BlackLifeMatters
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