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My mind went to some really fucking dark places because of everything. I had several nightmares every night and was exhausted constantly despite sleeping enough. To then have to deal with random shit like forgetting my tsm jersey and bad scheduling was incredibly fucking hard.
To be clear, my hands have consistently gotten better after starting to take care of them, until being forced to play in a freezing venue for 11 hours straight. It's just that along with burnout and my entire life kinda depending on them it was hard not to be really depressed.
Honestly I shouldn't have gone to Big house considering everything but I did and I got through it. Feeling a bit better now, so I thought I'd be open about how I felt. I know people will see this as just johns but I really don't mean it to be. Showing emotion is not a weakness.
Safe to say that I'm going to make some serious life changes because I can not take another week like this. Anyway GZ mango LOL
Hang in there dude. #TSMWIN
Take care of #1.
Feel better leffen you’re my inspiration to keep playing and trying to get better take your time we love you
Step 1: cross arthritis and carpal tunnel off the list. You’re screwed if it’s those. Step 2: check trigger points in your forearms to your shoulders and neck. My left arm is numb from a nerve compression in my shoulder caused by a trigger point in my lower trap.
Enjoy your vacation in Japan, completely deserved.
Yeah honestly conditions were not ideal...so remember how well you did in really shitty conditions..that should make you feel a little better at least... but please try to take care of yourself and avoid burning out. <3
Take care of yourself man, you played really well
Had a burnout too and panic attacks. You can get out of this mindset 
take care of yourself leffen, you'll bounce back
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