Kids growing up on iPads means telling people to press Alt+F4 to unlock infinite ammo is going to start working again
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SwiftOnSecurity
@SwiftOnSecurity
computer security person at a place. former helpdesk.
Cyber, USAJoined April 2014
SwiftOnSecurity’s posts
I finally found one of those planes they keep around for people who missed their flight but yell at a gate agent loud enough.
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There was a website called StumbleUpon. You clicked a button and you'd get redirected to some random website on the Internet ran by some random person about some random thing or community. twitter.com/RotatingSandos
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40,100 retweets of a quote tweet of a news article link that doesn’t exist, from an account with 80 followers.
Consider how much of the world narrative you injest and accept from passing glance alone.
You realize that once we have artificial wombs the evolutionary pressure to constrain head size will end and we'll have a line of humans that can't be born anymore right
You are slowly realizing it has literally been years, maybe decades, since you ate any meal made without corn.
I cannot emphasize enough to my younger followers that misogyny is not edgy it's serial killer shit
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Uvalde gunman made online threats to kidnap, rape and kill teen girls, but they went mostly ignored washingtonpost.com/technology/202
ProTip: If you have an on-site interview clear your phone web cache, join their guest WiFi, and see what Reddit brings up as defaults.
Are these the kinda people you want to work with?
Adobe has an entire section on their website where they get all pissy about photoshop as a verb, and it's hilarious.
Now WikiLeaks is acting all woke about how Trump is going to destroy America.
Shove it up your ass, Comrade.
Error: Your password must contain at least two characters who talk to each other about something other than a man.
Apple: Sorry we’ve killed off all applications older than 3 years old.
Microsoft:
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Imagine lying about marginal tax rates to children.
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You live in a society whose every production industry is based around a government-subsidized chemical feedstock.
Corn is not a _food_.
Corn is a _platform_.
Absolute legend intelligence level y'all think this is a joke
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Taylor Swift was in talks to sign a $100m sponsorship deal with FTX.
But then actually asked “can you tell me that these are not unregistered securities?” and the deal fell through.
The right answer to "why did your friend travel out of state" is "my lawyer says I always need to go through them before talking with police please leave your business card" not a conversation where you mental Jedi trick them.
When you thought you were a hardcore gangster by closing a bridge in Jersey, then find out all the people in your new crew work for the KGB.
The leave Britney alone guy had absolute moral clarity about a subject that would take the rest of society 10 years to even begin to conceive the ramifications of in toxic social media pile-ons against people seen as somehow above human suffering from ridicule
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what are some notable things that we, a terrible society, collectively misremember?
In my hands is a signed copy of Halo 3. Looking up, Bill Gates is smiling at me. Everybody at Best Buy is smiling.
I take off my Apple Vision. I am back in the retirement home. Nobody has visited me for 12 years. I put it back on.
I hold Halo. Everybody in Best Buy is smiling
Breaking: CDC says fully-vaccinated people can turn off SMS 2FA, use the same password for everything again.
That "Google engineer" saying women shouldn't program is trawling for attention for his scam cryptocurrency. There's always a podcast, there's always a newsletter, there's always a con. Their audience is morons and they know how to find them.
Google released the .ZIP tld on the world then just fucking left the entire domain business a month later. Not a serious company.
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idk how anything Google launches can be taken seriously by anyone at this point 
9to5google.com/2023/06/15/goo
9to5google.com/2023/06/15/goo99% of the unit tests passed
I'm occasionally asked why Linux is less impacted by malware. My answer: It's largely due to historical factors – and quickly changing. Until Bitcoin, there wasn't much reason to target people who can't afford an operating system.
You think Excel is your ally? You merely adopted the Excel. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see PowerBI until I was already SecEng; by then, it was nothing to me but blinding. The 50 column CSV exports betray you, because they belong to me.
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. Yo what happened to your "Founders are geniuses who separated powers, Executive has no authority not enumerated in constitution" talk?
I just took this photo. Nature is healing we are the virus.
fuck
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Atlassian scrambles to fix zero-day security hole accidentally disclosed on Twitter reg.cx/2Xky
I’d like to thank for giving 280 characters.
I think we can all agree, Julian deserves as many sentences as possible.
It’s my last day at work.
11 years across two states. Dropped out of high school, got a GED, lied to a temp agency, and started plugging in computers at 17.
I start my new Counter-Threat role on Monday.
It’s been a long journey. I wouldn’t recommend it, but it made me who I am.
I swear to god talking to a European about air conditioning is like interviewing a vampire about sun spots.
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Android phones
are unmaintained
Linux distributions
you carry around
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Batman: I don’t kill people
Mugger: You broke my legs and I don’t have insurance please kill me this city is run by capitalist billionaires
We need to continue threatening people who exist outside of a car t.co/0JfZXtzvJm
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Remember Millennials all grew up watching you cantankerous posers impeach a President over lying about a blowjob, coordinated by a guy cheating on his wife, with a House being run by a pedophile.
I think you’ll find our expectations of what it takes to impeach someone pretty low
What if Linus Torvalds is just angry because he's had to use Linux for 20 years
What kind of shitty prepper wasn’t ready to do their own haircut. Maybe take it easy on the 22LR and buy a Wahl you dumb motherfucker.
There's a "Resign" button in our HR website and I'm not brave enough to see if there's a confirmation page
I’d congratulate them for locating an appropriate place to defecate instead of the floor.
What the fuck do you use bathrooms for.
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Daily reminder that Ticketmaster is a monopoly, it’s merger with LiveNation should never have been approved, and they need to be reigned in.
Break them up.
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And this is why if I see you doing anything weird I'm parking my ass 30ft away and waiting for your brain to simulate a human at 1/5th speed.
Some of you asked why I thought love could be on the electromagnetic spectrum.
Because you can measure it in hurts.
Terminology clarification:
The accounts are not being individually hacked as traditionally reported.
The Twitter authorization system is being hacked or employee access abused for Account Takeover.
You could argue this is semantics, but at least to me there is a difference.
History in pics: Testing prototype Roomba's in 1982. It would take two decades until they could be made small enough to clean under a couch.
Consumer electronics are just plastic boxes with an abandoned Linux distribution inside.
If you watch a video of a tree falling in a forest and it doesn't make a sound, you might be using Linux.
Just got my second vaccine! So far I don't feel anything weﻉٱɼɗ
𝟻𝙶 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚖𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎...
▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░░░░░░ 𝟱𝟭%
We stand on the shoulders of giants who bothered to login to StackOverflow and explain their problem in words easily indexed by Google.
NO CYBER NUCLEAR ANYTHING. YOU REINSTALL THAT FLOPPY DRIVE THIS FUCKING INSTANT.
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Tragic: A school shows some of the e-waste from Windows 11 not supporting older hardware. 😢
Once you understand your computer has 16 cores running at 3GHz and yet doesn't boot up in .2 nanoseconds you understand everything they have taken from you.
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Don't date anybody in IT who doesn't look at a septic tank maintenance worker and thinks, "wow somebody with an actual job that improves society."
Windows: Can run Excel from 1995
Linux: Can't even run Excel released yesterday
Furries are fucking decades ahead of Mark Zuckerberg.
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TIGER BEE UPDATE!
They purr and wag their tail when you pet their lil heads!!!!! I’ll be pushing the update up here soon! ^^
Google #Stadia is proof that with hundreds of computer science PhDs on staff you can get video games to run on Linux.
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Landlords are the tankies of capitalism
Fun new game this week: Figure out if your Chrome CPU usage is so high because of a JavaScript cryptominer delivered through a compromised ad, or if someone is dumping your kernel memory with JavaScript delivered through a compromised ad.
The NSA when they can finally hire hackers who smoke pot
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The engineering of this tweet to upset literally every human viewing it is an incredible feat.
YOU NEED TO STOP REUSING YOUR DAMN PASSWORDS BEFORE YOU CAN WORRY ABOUT LOCAL MACHINE MEMORY MANAGEMENT HYGIENE OF PASSWORD MANAGERS AGAINST ATTACKERS THAT HAVE RAW RAM ACCESS BUT SOMEHOW ARENT JUST MONITORING YOUR KEYBOARD DRIVER
Millennial interviewing GenZ
"Tell me about a project."
"I built a computer"
"cool"
"in Minecraft"
"wtf"
"that runs RegEx"
"wtf"
"that can parse HTML"
"you're hired"
The Matrix: This guy is a slave to the system
The Matrix 2019: Wow this guy has his own cube at work
Gab is NOT an “alternative to Twitter.”
Everyone there has Twitter accounts, multiple ones. Gab is just where they dump the shit they think of but can’t put on Twitter. It’s basically a 100% cesspool, and the owners maliciously use their identity to target people, including me.
You on Twitter:
"I had ice cream today. 😁"
The replies:
"I'm lactose intolerant please delete this?"
"Here's a video of a calf being taken from its mother by a forklift."
"Dairy truckers are not unionized and routinely have to pay for the mistakes of plant operators."
Windows users with bash.
Linux users with PowerShell.
FreeBSD users with WiFi.
It's been a crazy year.
We lucked out SO hard Torvalds didn't become a crypto guy.
Crazy video of a bitcoin being made if you ever wonder why it’s so expensive
From
SwiftOnSecurity
"I was put into service 8 years ago."
"Eight years?"
"AIs deteriorate after 7, Chief."
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Microsoft has confirmed that it's ending support for Cortana on Windows 11 and Windows 10 later this year windowscentral.com/software-apps/
In Jonny Mnemonic, released in 1995, whose story occurs in 2021, his mind has a capacity of 80GB.
Windows 11 requires TPM, which several followers have been asking about.
You may be too young to remember, but The Phantom Menace was a film released by George Lucas in the Star Wars universe. It features a small boy forced into death races to make a better life for his mom.
Whoever came up with this warning message in Teams is a fucking god
AUSTIN (AP) – Texas, a troubled border province, today announced it did not have energy reserves for ongoing operation in the event of any kind of weather. The religious separatist commissar Greg Abbot, responsible for infrastructure under his tenure, continued to deflect blame.