Tucker Carlson ᵖᵃʳᵒᵈʸ

@SuckerCarlson

Anchor who PARODIES lies and turn them into fables, and ultimately, THEIR TRUE INTENT. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. I'm a sellout.

Mount Rushmore, SD, USA
Vrijeme pridruživanja: siječanj 2019.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    IVANKA: "My father might not be able to find the Ukraine on a map and he doesn't throw around a lot of Catcher in the Rye References. But the people around him can feel his firm leadership. He has a touch that America's elites will never understand."

    Poništi
  2. RUBIO: "Let he that is without sin among you cast the first vote against P45. Let him who wouldn't try to catch a stock certificate dragged on a string through a Hampton park be the one to crack the whip on a man whose biggest sin was his BigMac craving."

    Poništi
  3. MURKOWSKI: "My political aspirations have always centered around feminism. I will not idly stand by and a let a national treasure, who is the closest thing to a living suffragette, get the blame for the impeachment meltdown. I stand by Susan Collins."

    Poništi
  4. ROMNEY: "What I can say so far is that we've seen binders of allegations. I have scanned those binders. And let me be clear: I like being able to fire people. But dictators are people too and I just don't see a smoking underwear in this case right now."

    Poništi
  5. PENCE: "Holy Father, you're my Silas from another Mother"

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  6. PENCE: "The Holy Father's struggle mirrors ours in these dark times. The Vatican is being swarmed by the nihilist followers of Schiff and Paltrow lighting scented candles. They call it 'Operation Vagican'. We pray that Silas' flogging will cleanse them."

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  7. JEANINE: "They flog him, they nail him on the cross, they call him a pig. The truth is that P45 is a lamb who brings home the bacon. Schiff talks all soft and pretends to not like bacon. But he was raised by wolves and his mom wants her pork mutton plate."

    Poništi
  8. I think it's pretty clear that Mike is shooting for the Vice President of the Month award.

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  9. PENCE: "The devil speaks in a soft voice, he talks of tolerance and climate change. But his kingdom is one where man tries to fit round pegs into too tight square holes and our troops' only weapon against ISIS is a Gwyneth Paltrow scented candle."

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  10. IVANKA: "If the critics of my Davos expenditures looked at themselves in the mirror they would realize they are apholic antebellum relics. My role at the Helvetian summit is to read the analemma of the world economy and bring home its aliment to America."

    Poništi
  11. DON JR: "My dad's struggles are a mirror of MLK. I have a dream that one day my dad will not be impeached by the literal meaning of his words, but by the gut feelings in his base. That’s the mountain top. That’s what we’ll celebrate on P45 Acquittal Day."

    Poništi
  12. POMPEO: "We will do what we can to help the opposition in Venezuela, but we simply can't work with Juan Guaidó. The NSA's image scans confirm that he is a Latin clone of Obama who would crush their fragile nation with his reckless 'Esperanza y Cambioby'."

    Poništi
  13. DERSHOWITZ: "P45 didn't leave any stain, and if he did, lets imagine that for a minute, he certainly didn't smoke a cigar after. Only criminals wave cigars like Capone. There was smoke around Clinton, so I knew there was fire. There's no smoke around P45."

    Poništi
  14. LINDSEY: "There will be no witnesses in this Law & Order Parody Pageant in the Senate. Mr. Praysident, I'm gonna shut this impeachment down more swiftly than Peggy 'Wide Load' Purdy rejected me when I asked her to go to the corn festival with me."

    Poništi
  15. PARNAS: "9/11 Mickey Mantle Rudy ‘Cousin Bang Bang’ was my hero. I believe when he say Soros is raising army of Hillary clones in Pripyat. I offer help to stop email lady army clipping America’s balls. I search Pripyat for army. I have glowing tooth now."

    Poništi
  16. ERIC TRUMP: "Everyone is afraid to tell the dems that their impeachment is useless, Jesse. It reminds me of when I was 14 trying to connect to the internet by lining up sticks on the ground in the backyard. I'm glad someone told me that was pointless."

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  17. COLLINS: "The dems are acting like the impeachment is the senate prom. They want me to dress up all nice and join their 'Can't Hardly Wait' clique. But I know they will betray me and I'll end the event like 'Carrie', just like last time."

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  18. GAETZ: "I deny the sex game allegations, but I plead guilty to laughing so hard at these lefties that I peed other people's pants. These accusers are people who growing up didn't admit they loved hugs and were probably scared shitless of heavy blankets ."

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  19. HANNITY: "We can't let our country be run by dogs. This is a government for the people, not a Rottweiler republic. 'Oooh, mommy, the watchdog is barking, did something bad happen?' Well, I say: 'Shut up, kids. We’re throwing him a steak and moving on.'"

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  20. ROY MOORE: "The layfties are obsessed with their articles and their peach mongering. If I was in the senate, I'd lay down Moore's law upon them."

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