Business Bullshit

@StopBusinessBS

*Going forward* to lands of *deliverables*, stopping off on the *journey* to *drill down* into *best practice*. {📘 by , 🐦 by }

London
Vrijeme pridruživanja: rujan 2017.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    18. lis 2017.

    What to call your meeting (inspired by )

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  2. 2. velj

    Need a more hopey, changey corporate culture? Announce Mickey Mouse! The Disneyfication of a University (HT )

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Me before a business meeting

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  4. 1. velj

    "like most management books, once you trim down the strained analogies and the tail-chasing, a summary runs to about five bullet points ... Most of it is common sense." Latest Private Eye on "High Output Management"

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  5. 31. sij

    "kind regards" - such is my regard for you, I've embedded this vacuous sentiment in my email signature, in a different font, rather than take the trouble to actually write it, or accept my email provider's automated suggestion that I hold you - you! - in any regard whatsoever

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  6. 31. sij

    "kind regards" - truly, I regard you kindly "kind regards" - I regard you in kind with the general tenor of this exchange "kind regards" - I have the kind of regard for you your last hotel room cleaner does "kind regards" - kindly regard yourself, never again darken my inbox...

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    Today’s mini ‘found poem’ taken from my spam emails: (Say slowly, hammering the syllables) “Ideas that disrupt convention, such as blockchain, cryptocurrencies and... activist groups.”

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  8. 30. sij

    In other words, it's - moving right, talking left

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    i've recently become obsessed with all the insane corporate ways we say normal things to each other. "I’m a little confused" is by far my favorite - it's absolute rage masked as a professional pleasantry. what are some of your best/most insufferable work gibberish phrases?

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  10. 29. sij

    My wife and I never baby talk to our kids. We use business jargon and a wide vocabulary including meaningless terms. My son is 3 and can carry a full town hall. Adults at meetings are shocked at his accountability avoidance. My daughter isn't even 2 and uses 4-syllable takeaways

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  11. 26. sij

    Reference, that "how I want to learn your thing" tweet from years back which nicely punctured pivot to video before it was deleted. Here's a retread, icymi

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  12. 26. sij

    Indeed, it's also still a preferable mode of communication than video (see the BBC reboot of Worzel Gummidge if you've not already done so)

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    25. sij

    Me [crying]: you can’t just call everything bad a ‘market failure’ Economist [points to burning Australia]: “market failure"

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  14. 24. sij

    Ditto, all remaining corporate managers will have "director" or "Director" in their job title

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    23. sij

    Believing that the study of economics is a prerequisite for understanding the climate crisis is like believing the study of medieval medicine is a prerequisite for understanding the modern treatment of disease.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    22. sij

    So, the university of Sunderland has decided to be 'professions-facing'. I know it's not the most important question, but WTF does the 'facing' part of this compound mean? Could public institutions' public communications maybe be a bit less bollocks-facing?

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    20. sij

    One question to ask university managements is why, if casualised employment is good for cleaners, teachers and administrators and the institution that hires them, it isn’t good for managers too.

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    20. sij

    More people noticing is not A Thing. But there are many Things that on closer inspection don't really seem to be A Thing. Here's a few more. What's your favourite Thing-that-isn't-A-Thing? Organizational culture Employee engagement Personality types Learning styles

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    20. sij

    "Blue Monday" is a bogus "equation", created to market Sky Travel holidays. The evidence shows low mood doesn't vary with season. Using pseudoscience to "just start a conversation" is not helpful. Mental health discussions should be built on honesty.

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    17. sij

    me, when a man tries to micromanage me at work

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    17. sij

    "Under consideration" means "we've lost the file"; "under active consideration" means "we're trying to find it". -- Bernard, Yes Minister RIP Derek Fowlds

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