Give me a heart if you miss Barack Obama in the White House.
Stephen King’s Tweets
Hey, kids! It's your old buddy Steve King telling you that if they ban a book in your school, haul your ass to the nearest bookstore or library ASAP and find out what they don't want you to read.
My wife and I were married 50 years ago today. It's been a hell of a good run.
I don't usually post pictures of myself, but today is an exception.
$20 a month to keep my blue check? Fuck that, they should pay me. If that gets instituted, I’m gone like Enron.
Iowa Steve King lost.
I am the last Steve King standing.
(Takes a bow.)
Donald Trump blocked me on Twitter. I am hereby blocking him from seeing IT or MR. MERCEDES. No clowns for you, Donald. Go float yourself.
Fuck your wall. Split that 5 billion between at-risk children who don’t have lunches and vets who can’t get proper medical and psychological treatment. Fuck your vanity project. Do something good for once.
STRANGER THINGS 2: Ladies and gentlemen, that's how you do it: no bullshit, balls to the wall entertainment. Straight up.
You lost, you miserable self-entitled infantile fucker. Concede and get the hell out.
Don't want to wait for Part 2 of IT, the movie? You can always read IT, the book. Just sayin'.
I think I liked Twitter better in the pre-Musk days. Less controversy, more fun.
My Twitter account says I’ve subscribed to Twitter Blue. I haven’t.
My Twitter account says I’ve given a phone number. I haven’t.
Trump has blocked me from reading his tweets. I may have to kill myself.
I think Mr. Musk should give my blue check to charity. I recommend the Prytula Foundation, which provides lifesaving services in Ukraine. It's only $8, so perhaps Mr. Musk could add a bit more.
Hope you enjoyed Obama's speech. You won't hear anything so cogent and kind for a long time. So, with complete sincerity: THANKS, OBAMA.
Trump thinks hitting a woman with a golf ball and knocking her down is funny. Myself, I think it indicates a severely fucked-up mind.
John McCain's finest moment (for me) came in 2008, when a woman at a rally referred to Obama as an Arab. "No, ma'am," McCain replied. "He's a decent family man, a citizen that I just happen to have disagreements with." That's manning up.
Armed soldiers against peaceful protestors? With the president's enthusiastic approval? Are you shitting me?
I'm quitting Facebook. Not comfortable with the flood of false information that's allowed in its political advertising, nor am I confident in its ability to protect its users' privacy. Follow me (and Molly, aka The Thing of Evil) on Twitter, if you like.
Why have journalists had their Twitter accounts suspended? Please explain. And it had better be a GOOD explanation.
Trump did this.
It’s all on Donald Trump.
Retweet if you agree.
Was there ever, in all of American history, a man less fit for the presidency than Donald Trump?
On June 19th, 1999 I got hit by a van while taking a walk. As I lay unconscious in the hospital, the docs debated amputating my right leg and decided it could stay, on a trial basis. I got better. Every day of the 20 years since has been a gift.
Obama’s on now. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s what a REAL president looks and sounds like.
A couple of kids got married 48 years ago today. So far it’s worked out pretty well. Still in love.
Hey, kids--the NRA and their sweethearts are beginning to relax, beginning to tell each other that "this will blow over, like it always does." Keep turning the screws.
The reason the terrorist in London went on a "stabbing spree" instead of a "shooting spree" is because they have tough gun laws and serious penalties in England. Thus the toll was 3 dead (awful) rathe than 3 dozen (horrific).
My newest horror story: Once upon a time there was a man named Donald Trump, and he ran for president. Some people wanted him to win.
Hey kids—The Stoneman Douglas shootings are off the front page, and the NRA sweethearts are starting to relax. Starting to tell each other, “We got through this before, we’ll get through it this time.” Don’t let them do it.
I learned a new phrase today: going goblin.
I intend to use it at every opportunity.
Thanks to my son Joe Hill and his lovely wife Gillian, I am the grandfather of beautiful twin boys. I’m practicing my rocking technique. 😀
Sometimes I feel like screaming, "Everybody knows that Trump is as crooked as a broken nose and as dumb as a fencepost. Just quit shitting around and get him the fuck out of there."
I don’t care what you do with the blue check as long as you VOTE blue.
America, please don’t re-elect this ignorant, dangerous man.
Republicans, do Your duty as Americans. Tell Trump to stop playing fiddlyfuck and concede so we can get on with the nation’s business. People are dying.
Why would people from Norway want to immigrate here? They have actual health care, and longer life expectancy.
Molly's tumor was benign. She's healing well. The vet who took it out says she should be doing evil for years to come.
I think we all agree that Donald Trump is a vile, racist, and incompetent bag of guts and waters. How happy I would be to tell him "YOU'RE FIRED" next November.
I think Elon Musk is a visionary. Almost singlehandedly, he’s changed the way Americans think about automobiles. I have a Tesla and love it. That said, he’s been a terrible fit for Twitter. He appears to be making it up as he goes along.
After terrorist assholes hit the World Trade Center, 2,606 people died. The country came together: Democrats AND Republicans. Now 57% of Republicans call 176,000 dead from COVID-19 "acceptable losses?" What happened to you, America?
TIME wanted me to be their Person of the Year, but I said no! Won’t pose with Pennywise the Clown on my lap! Sorry, TIME! Sad!!!
It's lovely to start a year when Donald Trump isn't president.
Shops used to have a sign saying, IF YOU BREAK IT, YOU OWN IT.
Elon Musk's motto seems to be, I OWN IT, SO NOW I'LL BREAK IT.
I just got a spam from Susan Collins, asking me for what's the most important thing she can do for me this year. That's easy. Retire.
It's the weekend, and we have a president who isn't playing golf.
5 people dead in the Capital riot, which is terrible and Trump lit the fuse. BUT...400,000 Americans will be dead of COVID-19 by 2/1/21. How many could have been saved if Donald Trump had just PUT ON A MASK AND LED BY EXAMPLE? There's your 25th Amendment.
A priest, a minster, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo."
I'm trending on Twitter and didn't even die. How fucking cool is that?
2-day Twitter outrage doesn’t cut it. When you step into the voting booth this fall, VOTE GUN CONTROL.
Is it possible to use a bar of soap completely? Until it, like, disappears? Discuss and get back to me.
Just a warning to my British friends: An American dipshit is coming to visit you. Please remember most of us didn't vote for him; he lost by 3 million votes. His presidency is a statistical anomaly.
My wife is rightly pissed by headlines like this: “Stephen King and his wife donate $1.25M to New England Historic Genealogical Society.” The gift was her original idea, and she has a name: TABITHA KING. Her response follows.
Republicans: When are you going to stop supporting Trump and start supporting America?
850 Americans died of COVID-19 yesterday.
None got the special “antibody cocktail.”
Trump is said to be “monitoring the situation” in Santa Clarita. Is he a useless piece of shit or is it just me?
Ask yourself who has more motivation for lying: the professor who's had her whole life turned upside down, or the judge who stands to land a lifetime job at a quarter-mill a year, plus bennies the ordinary Joe can only dream about?
It’s nice to have a president who isn’t angry and hateful 24/7.
After nine months of killing and in many cases torturing civilians; after razing whole towns; the Russians call blowing up a bridge "terrorism." That takes the fucking cake.
Hey, kids—the House and Senate aren’t going to do anything about guns. Neither is the president, a morally vacant boob who will say anything. We have to do it ourselves. Get as many NRA sweethearts as possible out in November. We can do this.
What I noticed about that conference table pic? Only one woman in the room, and not a single person of color. If I want to look at an old white guy, I’ll use the bathroom mirror.
Trump’s tweets are becoming increasingly frantic and deranged. He’s a danger to the republic.
This is exactly the kind of woman Republican conservatives would like to shut up. She is the dead-red opposite of fake moderate Susan Collins. I love AOC.
Quote Tweet
Everyone needs to watch this incredible video of @AOC absolutely obliterating the scaremongering over the cost of Medicare-for-all. This is how you respond when someone asks “how will you pay for it?”
2:11
125,000 dead Americans and Donald Trump is playing golf.
Unreal.
Trump should know OBAMA NEVER LEFT THE WHITE HOUSE! He's in the closet! HE HAS SCISSORS!
Come on, chickenshit, if you're man enough to drop a mega-bomb on Afghanistan, you should be man enough to release your tax returns.
Bullshit.
Countries like Australia that have imposed strict gun control cut the instance of gun murders by 70%.
Iowans, for personal reasons I hope you’ll vote Steve King out. I’m tired of being confused with this racist dumbbell.
If you can’t go to a World Cup game without a beer, you might have a problem.
Every time I hear "President-elect Biden" on the news, my day gets a booster shot of happiness.
Fox News is blaming the capital police.
incredible. Just incredible.
Like J.K. Rowling and Neil Gaiman, I have a writing room. Actually, it's a one-room studio. There's even a couch. And if you think that's pretentious, go fuck yourself.