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  1. Why is anyone surprised that Trump's willing to shut down our government when it's clearly not the one he works for?

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  2. If Mattis decides to run for president, he's already got a campaign slogan AND a campaign beverage!

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  3. Kinda scary when everyone says, "There goes the last voice of reason...'Mad Dog'."

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  4. This one-of-a-kind holiday garment can now be yours, because we're auctioning it off charity! All proceeds go to . Head to now to bid. Finally, you can wear something celebrities have touched, without being creepy!

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  5. The Trump Foundation is no more. And they were SO close to finding somebody to be charitable to!

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  6. I’m beginning to think Donald Trump destroys everyone he touches. He is like the King Midas of crap.

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  7. First romaine lettuce is recalled, now cauliflower! What's next? A food I eat?!

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  8. Chris Farley and I started at Second City on the same day. You knew the minute you saw him on stage he was great. He was sweet and smart and funny. When I heard he had died, 21 years ago today, I fell to the ground. Rest In Peace.

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  9. The walls are clearly closing in on Trump.

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  10. If New York legalizes recreational marijuana, the Big Apple is gonna get hollowed out and turned in to a bong.

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  11. Retweeted

    Stephen Miller and his spray-on hair drop by the Ed Sullivan Theater tonight!

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  12. Retweeted

    Think our host enjoys his job?? 🤣🤣

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  13. It really feels like we’re at a turning point in the Trump presidency.

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  14. Retweeted
    13 Dec 2018

    Tomorrow - these creative geniuses return

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  15. Another decision in the landmark case of “Donald Trump v. Getting Caught”

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  16. Advice for Michael Cohen: On first day of prison, go up to the biggest guy in the yard and offer to pay him $130,000

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  17. Since Donald Trump was elected President I have tried to remind myself to never stop being shocked.

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  18. Weird time to introduce the new Pence statue to the White House.

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  19. Nobody seems to want this job.

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  20. Wanna feel old? "Smocking gun" was TODAY

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