Spec Rammer

@Spec_Rammer

Why strive mightily towards worthy accomplishment when I can retweet the shit out of you funny people?

Vrijeme pridruživanja: rujan 2009.

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  1. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    “Dong. Ding dong.” -Jame Bond’s doorbell

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    My 2 yo daughter watched the Super Bowl halftime show. She’s now a stripper and selling pictures of her feet online. She’s supporting the entire family and we’ve never been more proud.

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    you know the rules: - keys in the bowl. - whips, clips and tassels upstairs. - pills and pumps in the basement. - no body fluids in the jacuzzi...

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Isn't it interesting that the same folks calling J-Lo and Shakira "inappropriate" are the same ones who call Melania "the classiest First Lady ever"?

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    [tears streaming down my face] "baby shark do do do do do do... [starts doing the actions]

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    As a Dad, I AGREE! -My child heard a reality TV star brag about grabbing women by the pussy! -Then some revoltingly fake Christians made that morally indecent lying corrupt incompetent racist the president! -AFTER he paid off a porn star & lied to all his supporters about it.

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 15 sati

    The caucuses, which mostly involve yelling at people you agree with, are the closest we come to Twitter being real life

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    Pitbull is sitting alone in his penthouse watching the halftime show. It's dark except for the flicker of the TV. Shakira and JLo join together for the finale as a tear rolls down his cheek. He heaves a sigh. "Dale", he whispers, as he fades away.

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    On the third Tuesday of every month, all of the Barbaras get together at their local Panera to discuss all Barbara-related matters.

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    Me: Hey where’s the English Channel? Wife: south of England and north of France. Me: (stuck watching Telemundo) oh.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    A boy was in a taxi eating chocolate, then a man next to him said "Do you know that will damage your teeth" The boy replied, "my grandfather lived 132 years" The man asked "was it because of eating chocolate?" The boy replied; "No, he was always minding his own business.”

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    kidnapper: [opens trunk] get up me: ʲᵘˢᵗ ⁵ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ᵐᶦⁿᵘᵗᵉˢ

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    75% of all Americans want to see witnesses in the impeachment trial. Over 90% of us want simple background checks for people purchasing guns. We are getting neither. The Senate is not representing the people. The term ‘civil servant’ does not apply to those who refuse to serve.

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    25. sij

    [first day as a waiter] me: do you have any questions customer: *pointing at menu* how is this prepared me: we laminate sheets of paper listing the food choices

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    My three year old asked me if the tooth he just lost "is going to heaven." These are the precious moments that make parenting so worthwhile. I reminded him that he bit me last month and told him his tooth was hell-bound.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    In an election year, Republican presidents are immune from impeachment and Democratic presidents lose their ability to appoint Supreme Court justices.

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    girl, texting: I ❤️ U chemistry major: *bursting thru her front door, accompanied by the wail of sirens, holding a canister festooned with radioactive symbols* here I got you a whole kilogram of it

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    “Oh gosh. You know, I'm not much on speeches, but it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed, thank you, bye.”

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    who the fuck brings a lemur to t.g.i. friday’s

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    [pulled over] Cop: you were speeding Me: so Cop: yeah who gives a shit anymore

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