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meow meow meow Retweeted
(617): this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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meow meow meow Retweeted
smoking a blunt with no pants
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meow meow meow Retweeted
waiter: can i interest you in some tacos? me: thanks but i'm already interested in them
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meow meow meow RetweetedThanks. Twitter will use this info to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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meow meow meow Retweeted
cotton candy sky tonight
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meow meow meow Retweeted
silver jewelry is cuter than gold jewelry bc gold looks tacky no matter how expensive it is i rest my case
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meow meow meow Retweeted
now this is a movement i can get behind!
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meow meow meow Retweeted
Have they ever used “Ring of Fire” in a Preparation H commercial? If they haven’t, they should.
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Please let it be known that the only reason I'm taking the Christmas tree down already is because the cat keeps trying to eat it
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meow meow meow Retweeted
"WHY DO YOU NEED MY ATTENTION" I say to my cat who proceeds to lick my cheek and then aggressively shove her butthole in my face.
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I was 46 minutes late for work today and no one even noticed lol okay
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meow meow meow Retweeted
cop: i pulled you over for going 68 in a 55 me: dang, 68? can you make that number a little cooler so i can hear the judge read it out loud haha cop: sure whatever [later in traffic court] judge: how were you going 420 in a 55
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meow meow meow Retweeted
Some dude just told me my truck was, "Lit." Was this a threat? Am I supposed to kill him? Never mind. I'll kill him.
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If you want me to show up on time and be enthusiastic about it, you're gonna have to start paying me more than $2.83 an hour
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meow meow meow Retweeted
Oh for crying out loud, now he wants the $5 billion in "unmarked bills, and a chopper!"
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One day off was not enough. Especially since it's my only day off until school starts
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meow meow meow Retweeted
cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? me [typing this] Hang on
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meow meow meow Retweeted
Me walking into work late and stoned and late because I was getting stonedpic.twitter.com/YRIjL82yz8
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Also, I had a dream Cammy was doing cocaine
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In 2019 can we stop mutilating the innocent? No more circumcision. No more declawing cats. No more clipping dog's ears and tails. NO MORE MUTILATING THE INNOCENT
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