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  1. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    21. srp 2015.

    "Welcome to dental school. The human mouth is very sensitive. Here's a hammer and an assortment of small spears"

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    I am a: ⚪️ Man ⚪️ Woman 🔘 Dingo Looking for a: ⚪️ Man ⚪️ Woman 🔘 Baby

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  4. 2. velj

    Aries: In a time of deep division, the nation will come together to ridicule your failures.

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  5. 2. velj

    Taurus: Prepare for romance and volcanoes. Mostly volcanoes.

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  6. 2. velj

    Gemini: Your insufferable personality will finally pay off when the kidnappers release you before receiving the ransom.

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  7. 2. velj

    Cancer: Stop beating up on yourself emotionally. You're as awful at that as you are at everything else.

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  8. 2. velj

    Leo: Your big Superbowl party will be referred to as an "incident" on several popular true crime podcasts.

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  9. 2. velj

    Virgo: Studies show there is greater risk of early death from social isolation than obesity. So your continued survival is a miracle.

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  10. 2. velj

    Libra: It’s all about the friends who don’t care about you who you’ve met along the way.

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  11. 2. velj

    Scorpio: This week you’ll finally find out the deal with Grape Nuts. I mean, they’re not grapes, and there’s no nuts in them; what’s up with that? You’ve been great the stars will be here all week and remind you to tip your waitstaff.

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  12. 2. velj

    Sagittarius: Time has never been on your side but loneliness is right there next to you, always.

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  13. 2. velj

    Capricorn: The sun shines only for you today but beware: at dusk the moon will cry, “What was all that about?”

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  14. 2. velj

    Aquarius: You’ll gain fame this week when your house is featured on episodes of both Cops and Dirty Jobs.

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  15. 2. velj

    Pisces: Take the time to learn morse code. "Shave and a haircut" doesn't get the job done when you're banging on the hull of your stranded submarine.

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  16. 31. sij

    Contributor of the week:

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  17. 26. sij

    Taurus: Have you tried turning your life off and on again?

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  18. 26. sij

    Gemini: Due to a series of unfortunate events, your life will remain exactly the same.

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  19. 26. sij

    Cancer: You will find yourself remembering haunting details about your ex. Their smile. Their scent. The way they broke your fucking heart.

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  20. 26. sij

    Leo: You don't need any help from us with fucking up your life.

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