Spooky Evan DeSimone 

@Smorgasboredom

Content person, ex media reporter, ennui enthusiast. Previous words at

Brooklyn, NY
Joined January 2011
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    2 Feb 2017

    Hey Mom & Dad, When are you coming back from vacation? This babysitter is really weird.

    541 replies 25,819 retweets 52,176 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    Oct 18

    Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween: 30 years ago Mike Myers killed several of my friends & has continued to murder others while stalking me. Republicans: Are we really gonna hold him accountable for something he did when he was a teenager???

    1 reply 23 retweets 124 likes
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  3. Retweeted
    13 hours ago

    The Committee to Protect Journalists says 44 reporters have been killed around the world in 2018. 61 others are missing. In the US, 39 journalists have been attacked this year. Five have been killed. A Washington Post columnist was just murdered in a consulate. "Playful"

    Trump was 'playful' in praising assault on Guardian reporter, Ben Sasse says
    6 replies 444 retweets 637 likes
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  4. Oct 20

    Lol. No. Yell at Mitch McConnell all the time.

    people need to stop doing this crap. personally harassing elected officials is wrong. not how politics should be conducted. if you want change, work/vote for change
    Show this thread
    2 retweets 23 likes
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  5. Oct 19

    It doesn’t matter what you say because you’ll reverse yourself to obey the President when the time comes.

    To say that I am skeptical of the new Saudi narrative about Mr. Khashoggi is an understatement.
    Show this thread
    12 retweets 21 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    Oct 19

    Hello from my terrifying Animoji.

    3 replies 2 retweets 15 likes
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  7. Oct 19

    Hello from my terrifying Animoji.

    3 replies 2 retweets 15 likes
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  8. Oct 19

    What were you thinking about at 1 am?

    2 replies 1 retweet 2 likes
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  9. Oct 18

    Rupert Murdoch is about to be Disney’s biggest shareholder so I wouldn’t hold your breath...

    We’re probably going to need a Disney princess who hates fossil fuels.
    1 reply 4 retweets 18 likes
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  10. Oct 18

    Honestly, why isn’t this the stupid alternate reality we all got stuck in?

    6 likes
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  11. Oct 18

    She’s running.

    Rihanna declined an offer to headline the Super Bowl LIII Halftime Show because she “supports Colin Kaepernick,” a source said.
    1 reply 1 retweet 24 likes
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  12. Oct 18

    So...not?

    “Either I’m qualified to handle state secrets or I’m not qualified to handle state secrets.” -Jared Kushner
    1 reply 9 retweets 49 likes
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  13. Oct 17

    Luv 2 read the news

    'Riverdale' actor denies conspiring with Courtney Love to murder Frances Bean’s ex-husband
    1 retweet 15 likes
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  14. Retweeted
    Oct 15

    Melissa McCarthy’s portrayal of gifted, lonely, and deeply depressed writer Lee Israel in Can You Ever Forgive Me has restored my faith in the notion that someday a renowned comic actress will play me in a biopic.

    1 reply 4 retweets 41 likes
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  15. Oct 16

    The worlds’ largest list of verified virgins.

    New: A new dating app aimed at Trump supporters leaked its entire user database — on launch day.
    6 retweets 22 likes
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  16. Oct 15

    Melissa McCarthy’s portrayal of gifted, lonely, and deeply depressed writer Lee Israel in Can You Ever Forgive Me has restored my faith in the notion that someday a renowned comic actress will play me in a biopic.

    1 reply 4 retweets 41 likes
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  17. Retweeted
    Oct 15

    It's working

    . host says he can't eat at restaurants anymore because people yell at him: "Having someone scream, 'F–– you!' at a restaurant, it just wrecks your meal"
    26 retweets 108 likes
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  18. Oct 14

    You’re welcome America!

    2 replies 10 likes
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  19. Oct 13

    Having a normal one...

    1 reply 1 retweet 21 likes
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  20. Retweeted
    Oct 12

    Good morning to this headline only

    2 replies 11 retweets 56 likes
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  21. Oct 12

    A “secret” weapon that they’ve been talking about for a decade?

    Republicans have a secret weapon in the midterms: voter suppression, writes
    5 retweets 13 likes
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