Skoll Shorties

My real life job is a hassle (especially around the holidays), since I'm stressing out about deadlines and at almost every shift, there's almost a guaranteed panic attack. I've mentioned before that this job has kept me from working on my own YT content and streaming.

Unfortunately, that's not changing at all, unless I be the variable, and it's a bit tough, since I don't have the means of transportation. And the job I work at is only a mile down the road so I just walk there every day to and from.

On the plus side, all that walking has made me lost a lot of weight, and it's pretty astounding to look at the pictures of myself five years prior. But then I start to worry since my diet is rounded to about 2 square meals per day.

It feels like this year, while it was my biggest, was a complete and total letdown. From starting and ending romantic relationships, to rekindling friendships and seeing that burn to nothing and fueled by vitriol, it has made me more vulnerable and regretful more than ever.

Then there was school. I haven't been in school since 2015, and I wanted to go back to get my BA in Communications. Won't be able to do that next semester since I didn't get into the school I wanted to, which has left me completely defeated.

Then, there was getting let go by Curse's MCN. That was a complete disappointment. Left me even more defeated and demotivated to make more videos. I've even completely thought about stopped making videos all together because of it.

But knowing that you guys are what make Youtube, streaming, and life in general completely and genuinely tolerable, I'm doing my best to deliver the best content to you guys, even if it takes me eons.

All in all, what I really want is to be at peace with myself - peace of mind, really. I know it's going to be difficult, but I'd like to try to bounce back up from this shallow and dark place that I've brought myself to in 2019.