the library haunter  🦉 🎄 ❄

telling people you’re single: • “you’ll find someone” • “have you tried tinder” saying “many have tried to date me and all have failed”: • mystical • empowering • sword-in-the-stone vibes

might hang out and cause a scandal in the 1930s by wearing trousers and refusing to marry and flying my own plane and going undercover as a burlesque dancer to catch a murderer.

you ever worked up a sweat on a warm summer day and suddenly you’re an aging but still beautiful Southern belle standing on the balcony of your shabby flat, in a white satin gown, sipping a lemon coke and remembering when the boys loved you?

teenager: do you remember the 1900s? me *taking a drag on a cigarette*: it was the summer of 1997. we were cloning sheep. Lauryn Hill ruled the airwaves. I remember how the air smelled of the sea.

people say Jordan Peterson is a "spiritual leader" but Agatha Christie wrote some fifty books about sin, death and judgment, sold two billion copies AND faked her own death. a legend.

*tough guy with tattoos approaches you at the gym*: you in touch with your feelings, bro? you ever just cry from joy? you tryin your best to stay gentle and open-hearted in a world that can be callous and cruel?

kids growing up today with email and twitter will never know how hard it was back in the '90s to keep in touch with friends... before going to the grocery store we'd update our wills, tearfully hugging our loved ones and praying that dysentery didn't take us.

*me receiving a compliment*: what are these lies you tell? I blush! *me after being gently corrected*: you dare insult moi?? moi, who is kindness itself? Gerald, bring me my pistols! We duel to the death, and then, Jail—jailed in a painting, forever!!

being a mystery novelist is weird because friends text me like "what are you up to tonight" and I say "just planning some murders" and no one is ever troubled by this.