Many survivors (myself included) shield our partners from our past. My ex-husband knew I was a survivor, but I never told him who assaulted me because I didn't want him to feel responsible for righting the injury done to me by another man.
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I feared we would be out in public, encounter my assailant, and my husband would feel compelled to physically assault him to "defend my honor" and get arrested. Then he would become another victim of my rapist.
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I also hid the truth from him because I feared he would look at me differently if he knew my rapist's name. It was one thing for this person to be faceless. For the attack to be an idea. It was another thing altogether to think he could actually envision the assault.
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This is what I respect so much about Bourdain. He knew who raped his partner and didn't cow to him. He stood by Asia's side in the middle of an international maelstrom. He held her hand and became an ally, openly challenging his own history and behavior with women.
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Bourdain placed his ego second and defended Asia when people came for her. I have the utmost respect for this man who was willing to help his partner shoulder such a heavy burden. A man who didn't look upon her with pity, but saw her strength and was inspired by it.
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We need more Bourdains in this world.
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I'm not saying that my choice was the right thing to do. It seemed right at the time. Perhaps my decision to shield my husband took away an opportunity for us to do the work together. It's the past, and not the point of my thread. I just really admire both Asia and Anthony. Fin.
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Sis, check out
@sjjphd compelling Op-Ed: https://mobile.nytimes.com/2018/06/08/opinion/sunday/anthony-bourdain-death-bad-boy.html … -
Touching and incisive. It took me all day, but I finally figured out why his death hit me so hard. I've been all up in my feelings and couldn't understand why.
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