𝔻𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕪𝕖𝕣 𝕠𝕗 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕝𝕕𝕤™  

@Shinikage221

Ravenclaw/Horned Serpent. Sarcastic college student. Slowly working on a YA/fiction novel. He/him

Amegakure
Vrijeme pridruživanja: svibanj 2019.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    *pushes domino over starting a cascade of increasingly convoluted reactions with marbles, pencils, bottles, and more all to push a pen down on the Play button of a tape recording of me cussing out someone* A Rude Goldberg Machine

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  2. Atem didn’t actually go to the afterlife he just became a Baby and please donate money directly to me or he’s gonna get sent to the shadow realm 👏😍😭

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  3. prije 10 minuta

    My dream job is to be one of those people NASA experiments on by making them stay in bed for six months.

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  4. Chauncey, fetch me my umbrella sword. Looks like rain.

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  5. prije 8 minuta

    all you need to know about america is that we took every stereotype of australia, turned it into a themed restaurant...and then opened several of them in australia

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  6. Phil: are.. are you.. the Wizard of Oz? Bartender: nah mate Phil: but I followed the yellow brick road Bartender: ..that's where you peed on the dingo

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  7. Australian: Here are your 6 fosters. Me *looking in the eyes of a half dozen orphans* : ᴵ ᵐᵉᵃⁿᵗ ᵇᵉᵉʳ ⁿᵒᵗ ᶜʰⁱˡᵈʳᵉⁿ.

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  8. Dorothy: ahhh, this is the worst! Scarecrow: what's wrong? Dorothy: i have tinnitus, i hate it so much Tin Man: you know what? go fuck yourself

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  9. I establish dominance over my kids by replacing their Honey Nut Cheerios with regular Cheerios.

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  10. Real tempted to have all my teeth ripped out and replaced with implants. Sick and tired of these fucking cavities.

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  11. As soon as I find out we have cheesecake...we no longer have cheesecake.

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  12. prije 5 sati

    Interviewer: and what do you think you can bring to the table? Me: *ponders* er, pizza? Interviewer: ʰⁱʳᵉᵈ

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  13. prije 5 sati

    The Destination is the name of my Journey tribute band

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  14. HER: why do you have a stinger attached to your ass are you looking for trouble ME [proudly putting on my boingy antennae]: I’m about to bee

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  15. 28. sij

    If you ever feel like humanity is a huge pile of shit, just remember that humans have literally never once lost the Miss Universe competition.

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  16. prije 6 sati

    [Watching halftime show] ME: I hope I look as good as Jlo when I’m 50. GIRLFRIEND: You don’t look that good now. ME: Yeah I’m not 50 yet.

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  17. prije 6 sati

    “You catch the game?” asks the cashier. “Like herpes!” I say. She does not laugh. “Jesus Christ,” the man behind me mutters. My card is declined.

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  18. prije 1 sat

    Spent an hour making dinner including homemade enchilada sauce... ...and it tasted identical to hamburger helper. I quit.

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  19. Cop: Where were you on the night of the 3rd? Me: Uh, at home by myself... Cop: I knew it. U-G-L-Y and you ain't got no alibi.

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  20. prije 29 minuta

    Kylie Minogue:🎵I just can’t get you out of my head🎵 Kylie Minogre:🎵I just can’t get you out of my swamp🎵

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  21. prije 4 sata

    I finally slept for 8 hours. Not in a row. That's a cumulative total taken over the past 3 years.

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