Tweets

You blocked @Shen_the_Bird

Are you sure you want to view these Tweets? Viewing Tweets won't unblock @Shen_the_Bird

  1. Pinned Tweet
    20 Jun 2019

    kidnapper: [putting more duct tape over my mouth] i said stop eating it

    Undo
  2. 11 hours ago

    my friend holding me back at the bar: dude please you always say weird stuff in fights me: no way man i'm gonna spank this motherfucker

    Undo
  3. Retweeted
    May 4

    dr seuss: it’s a cat in a hat me: oh my god that’s cute dr seuss: he’s 6’4. and it’s a weird hat me: what the hell man

    Show this thread
    Undo
  4. Retweeted
    Apr 23

    love the vet. love to hear the staff keep saying “the patient” and it’s a lizard.

    Undo
  5. Apr 16
    Undo
  6. Apr 10

    girl: aw what's your dog's name shaggy: scooby doo girl: what the hell

    Undo
  7. Retweeted
    Apr 4

    enough about microplastics. wanna try some macroplastics. i’m eating a frisbee

    Show this thread
    Undo
  8. Apr 3

    girl: [stops making out] can we take this somewhere we can be alone me: [has 2 tickets to morbius] yeah

    Undo
  9. Mar 31

    boss: what is the problem coworker: [pointing to me] that guy stole my thesaurus me: he peddles falsehoods

    Undo
  10. Mar 30

    wife: i think it's time you gave our son the talk me: ok [later] me: son [puts hand on shoulder] i ran over a sonic employee in 2017 and kept driving

    Undo
  11. Mar 20
    Undo
  12. Mar 6

    coworker: how long is the new batman me: i'd say at least 9 inches. just the vibe i get from him

    Undo
  13. Retweeted
    Feb 28

    the riddler: Poor people have it. Rich people need it. If you eat it you die. What is it? batman: i am going to beat the shit out of you and put you in jail

    Undo
  14. Feb 25

    i downloaded their app once to bring breakfast to a meeting and now every once in a while mcdonalds sends me a notification that says "mcdonalds"

    Undo
  15. Retweeted
    Feb 22

    me: i saw a rat chuck e. cheese employee: are u serious where me: [terrified] it’s really fucking big man

    Undo
  16. Feb 19
    Undo
  17. Feb 18

    me: why does my back hurt a little webmd: fuck dude what? your back?? me: yeah why webmd: fuck man oh my god

    Undo
  18. Feb 18

    boss: we just had another employee complain about your weird sayings. my office, now me: you know it really pisses my pants when you talk to me like that

    Undo
  19. Retweeted
    Feb 10

    cop: are u high me: are u real

    Undo
  20. Feb 6

    everybody get to your shelters, there's a new episode today

    Undo

Loading seems to be taking a while.

Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

    You may also like

    ·