Jerry gets paranoid about his girlfriend’s past when her iPhone automatically connects to the wi-fi at Newman’s apartment.
Modern Seinfeld
@SeinfeldToday
New York, NYJoined December 2012
Modern Seinfeld’s posts
When George falls for a Twitter bot, Kramer claims he once Catfished himself. J:How’s that even possible? K:Oh I’m good Jerry. I’m real good
George refuses to date a woman when he sees her on 2 different dating apps. G:”It’s too desperate.” J:”How’d you find out?” G:”I’m on both."
George rejects a Tinder girl when all her photos feature multiple girls. E:”What if she’s the pretty one?” G:“How naive can you be, Elaine?"
George is pissed when he shows his GF a funny pic on his phone & she begins swiping through his photos. G:"She swiped!" J:"You can't swipe!"
Kramer rents out his apartment every night on Airbnb & lives in the hallway. K:“I’m making cash hand over fist, Jerry!” J:“You’re homeless!"
Kramer thinks the NSA is spying on him, so he goes "off the grid." Except he uses Jerry's phone, computer & email. "You're just on MY grid!"
Jerry & George compete to pick up the same woman on a plane. When Jerry sneezes, George jokes about Ebola & gets them both quarantined.
George’s Facebook photo is used in online ads for penis enlargement. Kramer tries to pumpkin spice every food.
Jerry’s Twitter's hacked. People like "Hacked Jerry” better. George tries to get trampled on Black Friday so he can sue. Everyone is polite.
Jerry refuses to go to a Cash Only diner. J:"They’ve seen the credit card! They know the credit card! It’s time to accept the credit card!"
George goes to war with an evil barista who writes embarrassing things on George's cup instead of his name.
Kramer tries not to watch the World Cup after "overdosing" in 2010. "The highs are high, but the lows? Oh, they're low! They're low, Jerry!"
Kramer gets lost in the Super Dome on his way to his seats at the Super Bowl. Accidentally knocks out all the lights.
After her fuck buddy texts her that she should come over to "watch Netflix," Elaine is pissed when he actually just wants to watch Netflix.
Jerry’s girlfriend won’t stop saying that she “literally can’t.” “What?! Can’t what?! Finish your sentence!"
George is too scared to break up with his intimidating girlfriend so he just repeatedly responds to her texts with “New phone. Who’s this?"
Jerry gets stuck on a never-ending group text. “You used to be able to avoid people! Now they can choose to live in your pocket forever!"
George refuses to listen to his GF's voicemails, gets dumped. “It’s 2015! Send a text! I don’t want to hear your voice if I don’t have to!”
Elaine's excited about her new bf til he shows up on New Years wearing 2014 glasses. Kramer celebrates on London time to "avoid the crowds."
When the WiFi George usually steals suddenly has a password, he becomes addicted to trying to “hack” in. J:“Just get your own!” G:“NEVER!"
George's GF wants a "no phones at dinner" rule. G: "We had a good thing going, Jerry! Now we're supposed to talk? That can only end badly!"
Elaine’s BF notices she has no Instagrams with black people. She awkwardly tries to take pics w/ black co-workers to prove she’s not racist.
When George’s ex changes her HBOGo password, George tries to reconcile with her just long enough to get the new one.
Elaine's bf constantly starts texts but never sends them. E:"If I get the bubble w/ three dots I want a text!" J:"The bubble's not binding!"
Jerry’s GF always smokes an e-cig in bed. GF:”But it's vapor.” J:”You say that like vapor’s something I want. I don’t want vapor! No vapor!"
Jerry's GF texts in the movies but acts like it's okay because she sits in the last row. GF:Who am I bothering?! J:Me! You're bothering me!
Jerry's gf dumps him for not wishing her happy bday on Facebook. J:"I said it to her face!" E:"But her friends can't see that &get jealous."
Elaine is furious when her coworker calls her "basic.” J:"That’s ridiculous!” E:"Thank you.” J:"If anything, you're too complicated."
Elaine suspects her bf is gay when he's mysteriously busy during pride weekend. Kramer helps her investigate, ends up leading the parade.
Newman reads the Game Of Thrones books just to spoil the new season for Jerry. Kramer sells the milk from his finished bowls of cereal.
George gets an OkCupid message from an ex who dumped & doesn't remember him. George goes on the date so HE can dump HER. She dumps him again
Kramer is addicted to Candy Crush, but suspects one of the levels is impossible to beat. "They're modern day carnies, Jerry! It's a con!"
George’s GF refuses to tag herself on Facebook in any photos with George. G:“It’s like she’s hiding something, Jerry!” J:”She is. You."
Elaine goes nuts trying to analyze her boyfriend’s one word text. “You can’t send the letter K with a period! A period is too aggressive!"
Elaine loves the way her new boyfriend smells, but when she discovers he uses Axe Body Spray, she begins to question her entire life.
Jerry’s GF calls him bae. J:”How hard is it to say an extra b! Babe!” K:”No. It’s an acronym!” J:”How do you know that?” K:”How do you not?"
George swipes right for every woman on Tinder. E:"What if you're not attracted to her?" G:"If she's attracted to me, I might be!"
Kramer tries to avoid all March Madness news for a month, so he can DVR the whole tournament and binge-watch it later.
Elaine’s boyfriend won’t stop posting BuzzFeed quiz results. “Stop it! You’re none of these people! And you’re a grown man! "
Kramer hosts a "non-recorded" podcast. K:"It's just like a podcast, but no microphones." J:"So a conversation?" K:"You don't get it Jerry!"
Inspired by LeBron, George tries to reunite w/ an ex he dumped. She slaps him J:"He's the LeBron of basketball.You're the LeBron of nothing"
George suspects the girl he’s meeting from OkCupid is using fake pictures but he can’t confront her because he is too.
Kramer meets Peyton Manning before the game and convinces him to stop saying Omaha. K: "Change it up! What's the worst that could happen?"
When George brings his GF to Festivus only for her to dump him after agreeing with his dad's grievances, George vows to destroy the holiday.
At a Giants game, George intercepts a football that a player meant for another fan. When he won't give it up, he becomes nationally reviled.
Jerry's GF dumps him when he tweets a joke making fun of Beyoncé. J:"I don't get it!" E:"People don't like jokes about their religion."
Kramer pitches an insane ad to McDonald’s. “Sure everyone loves your burgers but what if you made it seem like your burgers loved everyone?"
George wants a tattoo to impress his hipster GF but can't handle the pain. She dumps him when she sees his finger has half a mustache on it.
Jerry meets an amazing woman on JDate but when he begins to suspect she's faking her Judaism, Kramer volunteers to investigate.
Jerry's girlfriend dumps him for inadequately tipping a delivery guy during a blizzard but it's so cold she won't leave his apartment.
Jerry takes a date to Tim Whatley's Super Bowl party. She dumps Jerry when he cries at a commercial."What? The dog really loved that horse!"
Kramer has a scheme to sell off spots in Black Friday lines. But when the other shoppers find out about it they purposely trample him.
Elaine discovers that an erotic best seller may be based on Kramer's life. Jerry's GF makes a terrible web series he has to pretend to like.
Elaine Instagrams other people's photos to seem cool. A cute guy falls for Instagram Elaine but real Elaine can’t live up to her fake life.
Kramer helps couples navigate their way out of Ikea for money. It goes well until a group of roving intimidating Swedes start following him.
Newman and Kramer intercept a shipment of Denver World Champions t-shirts meant for Uganda. K:"I'll never have to buy undershirts again!"
When a website claims Jerry is dead, he’s annoyed people aren’t more upset. It turns out Newman runs a website that spreads death hoaxes.
George accidentally reveals to his GF’s son that Santa’s not real. Kramer pretends to be homeless because one shelter has a good Xmas feast.
Kramer is paranoid that autocorrect is trying to read his mind. Jerry's GF makes him do a juice cleanse. It slowly drives him crazy.
When Jerry dumps a woman who works for Time Warner Cable, his Internet stops working. She won’t get it fixed unless he takes her out again.
George promises not to watch House Of Cards without his GF but can’t help himself. She dumps him when he badly pretends to be surprised.
Elaine’s coworker is creepily obsessed with Frozen & brings it up constantly. “You’re a grown woman! It’s for children! This is not cute!”
Elaine's bf is a "downgrader." "I call, he texts me back. I text, he emails. I'm scared if I email, I'll have to look for smoke signals."
Elaine accidentally does a British accent in a job interview after marathoning Downton Abbey. She gets the job and has to keep faking it.
Elaine hates Arrested Development. Everyone judges her like she killed someone. J:"There are some things you're just not allowed to say."
After he learns it's been canceled, Kramer starts his own version of Cash Cab in his car. People think he's trying to kidnap them.
George takes a date to see Gravity, but sits on his 3D glasses. The theater refuses to give him another pair and his date refuses to leave.
George gets mugged but is so broke & has such a crappy phone the mugger let's him keep it all. Jerry learns he's not funny in text messages.
Jerry's gf constantly says "hashtag." George gets a job as a "social media expert." "It's great, Jerry. You don't need to know anything!"
Elaine has no idea what her BF does for a living and it’s now too late to ask. E:“Teacher, I think. Or a doctor? Wait Is ‘computers' a job?"
Jerry breaks up with his girlfriend when she loves the new Superman movie. George discovers he unknowingly helped A-Rod get his steroids.
Elaine refuses to change her profile photo to support gay rights, because she finally likes her pic. Her bf dumps her for being a "bigot."
Kramer is insanely paranoid that everything on April Fools is a prank. J:“ We’re going to the coffee shop. Want to come?” K:“WHO’S ASKING?!"
George keeps using his ex's Netflix because the suggestions are finally perfect for him. "I can't start over. This thing knows me, Jerry!"
Jerry discovers that Kramer keeps a list of all Jerry's passwords. K:"What if you forget one?!" J:"They have a whole button just for that!"
Kramer gets a job directing traffic at the Trader Joe’s checkout lines, but the power goes to his head. Elaine’s BF gets too into “juicing."
When Jerry's GF says he's no fun, he starts using emojis constantly. She dumps him. J:"I was being fun!" E:"Emoji guy is not fun. He's sad."
A homeless man refuses Elaine's offer of a used first-gen iPad. George carries an empty Starbucks cup so he can use WiFi at any location.
Jerry's vacation's ruined by the stress of avoiding Breaking Bad spoilers. Elaine's never seen the show, ruins a viewing party w/ questions.
Jerry forgets his girlfriend's birthday which is on 9/11. KRAMER: "We all said never forget!" JERRY: "I forgot." KRAMER: "YOU FORGOT!"
Kramer starts an offline dating "site." KRAMER: It's like online dating... but at a place. JERRY: You're describing a bar! That's a bar!
Jerry passes on doing a Super Bowl commercial, because he thinks the idea sounds dumb. Bania does it & it's praised as the best ad in years.
A woman accuses George of harrassing her by DM-ing her. G:"I was being friendly!" E:"Oh please.There's no such thing as a 'friendly' DM."
George has a map of unprotected WI-FI networks in the neighborhood. Jerry & Kramer get hooked on Breaking Bad, act weird around Tim Whatley.
Elaine dates a gorgeous hispanic man, but she hides him from Jerry and George because she's ashamed that he’s in a subway Mariachi band.
Elaine finds herself at the center of a controversy when a college football star uses her photo as a picture of his fake dead girlfriend.
Jerry convinces Babu Bhatt to open a food truck. The truck is stolen. "Kramering" (bursting into rooms) becomes an Internet sensation.
George discovers WebMD, is convinced he's dying. "Could I have cancer, malaria, AND smallpox? Because THAT'S WHAT THIS IS TELLING ME JERRY!"
Jerry’s blind date shows up drunk and heckles the screen during 12 Years A Slave. Kramer creates an app that gives you ideas for other apps.
Elaine is uncomfortable about how excited her adult co-workers are for NSync at the VMAs. George's gf dumps him for liking Miley's twerking.
Kramer gets a tip that Newman may have secretly caused Jerry to be dumped years earlier & begins obsessively investigating the “cold case."
Elaine’s autocorrect makes her look racist in front of her new boss. E:“Why would they even program that in?” J:“I’m sure they didn’t!"
When George's gf goes out of town he can't help finishing the TV show they're marathoning together, then badly pretends not to have seen it.
Jerry buys priority boarding for his flight. It's actually the 4th group to board. "Why call it priority?! If anything it's a low priority!"
Elaine's Republican boyfriend says "Thanks a lot, Obama," whenever something bad happens. Kramer claims to have created ChristianMingle.
Kramer discovers people in Brooklyn are dressing like him. George learns when you search his name, Google suggests "George Costanza Gay."
Jerry needs a haircut for a date that night but doesn't want a bad "Day 1 Cut." Kramer has a guy who can cut it so it'll pass for a "Day 14"
George tries to pick up a woman by claiming to be a cop that arrested a suspect in Boston case. CNN producer overhears it, runs it as fact.
Elaine responds to a 2 am text from an awful ex. J:”You never respond to a ‘U up?’ text! You’re writing checks your body’ll have to cash!"
