Scott Madin

I'm sorry, WHAT. There are gargoyles too? Being stalked 24/7 by Lady D isn't enough? MA'AM, I wish to speak to a MANAGER about this castle-hotel-retreat package.

I dunno why I saw people saying Lady D isn't really in the game much; she's great and all over the place. Open a door, there's Lady D. Turn down a corridor, there's Lady D. Crouch outside a window, stare longingly at Lady D.

I do not want to impugn Resident Evil's writing, but this plot is BANANA BREAD. The game is fun, though!!

Like, this is MAYBE a spoilers, but apparently your baby can be turned into crystal dust, carried around in bottles, and then returned to baby form at will. And the vampire ladies are actual swarms of flies that "mimic" humanity in order to lure their victims. Like. What. No.

THERE IS A SAND WORM BABY FETUS THAT CRAWLS AFTER YOU THROUGH HALLWAYS.

We've gotten to the bit with Cowboy Magneto and maybe I'm wrong but I like him?

Like, obviously I want Lady D to step on me, but I know I'm still bisexual because Cowboy Magneto has very strong daddy vibes.

Ethan isn't allowed to talk anymore. He makes terrible decisions and then WE have to fix them. He told Nic Cage Magneto to fuck himself.