How can we care for both: - Being able to totally fucking express what's coming up for you - Actually being heard by the receiver of that, instead of putting them on the defensive (A thread on the live edge of navigating different frameworks for communication & emotional work)https://twitter.com/SarahAMcManus/status/1188954019378683905 …
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The human sense-making equivalent would be more like coherent parallax. Say you've got 2 different perspectives on an issue, 2 different ways of telling the story & meaning of what happened. You can either fight about it, or try & get the 3D view:https://twitter.com/SarahAMcManus/status/1174007584820531203 …
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So 2 people *can* attempt that move, if they're already working from a culture / mindset of seeking a collaborative 3D view of the situation. Sometimes it's necessary to have more trusted folks involved, though, because of blind spots.
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Under coercive / authoritarian culture, people often develop unconscious strategies of: - Undermining their own self-trust to preserve relationships
to stay safe
- Or undermining other people's self-trust to maintain control & power
to stay safePrikaži ovu nit -
Both of those strategies completely undermine and interfere with collaborative sense-making & calibration & navigation! Nearly impossible to escape self-reinforcing confusion tangles in an isolated 2-person system, if those patterns are present.
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In the example dialogue I linked to at the top of this thread, I described Bob & Alice getting into this 2-person trap (accusation / defensiveness) I described them escaping the trap through talking with other trusted friends, feeling heard, and then coming back into dialogue
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