Imagine, for example, your whole life things that have appeared easy to others have eluded you. Lights are too bright, noises are too loud, smells are too strong, you have motion sickness, food aversions, obsessions, social difficulties, anxiety and much more
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And you believe there’s nobody else in the world like you. That you have so many seemingly disparate challenges that you get embarrassed & start covering them up, including btw your natural personality & behaviours. You feel alone, like you’re somehow imagining it.
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You want to ask for help but fuck, you don’t want to be the adult who admits to people that they have these inexplicable meltdowns & episodes. You don’t want to be the one who’s always complaining either, and the feeling of loneliness compounds.
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And then one day you read an article, or see a documentary, or chat to someone & you find out there might be an explanation for how you are. That you’re not ‘crazy’ (whatever that means) or broken, or lazy - and oh my GOD you’re not alone. You’re really not alone.
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You do some more digging - maybe you go for an assessment. You’re either sure in yourself now, or you’ve had external validation that you’re autistic. This huge, wide-ranging variety of behaviours, tastes & tolerances is shared by 1 in 100 people. It’s a real thing!
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You process it in whatever way you process it - grief, ecstasy, curiosity, excitement, anxiety - all of the above - and you start to feel comfortable telling people. You’ve always known who you are, but now you have a name for it! A concrete thing to say.
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You start to meet other people like you, maybe online or, if you’re feeling brave, in person. You see so much of yourself in them, and what’s better, when you see it in someone else you LIKE what you see!
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You start to get comfortable enough to behave in ways that will make your life easier. “Actually, can I keep my sunglasses on indoors?” “I don’t think I can manage a party but I’d love to have dinner just the two of us instead” “I have a limited diet, please don’t judge”
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And then, just as finally, after feeling like an outsider your whole life, you start to accept, maybe even LIKE yourself, just as you start to figure out what helps you thrive, someone tells you you’re not autistic. That all brains are different. That they don’t want to hear it.
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Imagine being sent back into that place of shame & confusion & loneliness - and worse when you KNOW the other person is ignorant - and wrong - but you’ve found yourself on the back foot. You’ve been accused. Suddenly you have to justify yourself.
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Don’t do this to people. Especially if you’re just guessing. Neurodiversity is not just a trendy buzzword. If your answer to “I am autistic” or “I have ADHD” or anything else on the neurodivergent side of the spectrum isn’t “what can I do differently to help?” then say nothing.
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End of conversation
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