True fact 1: 90% of all authors get their ideas from eating toads. To honor their sacrifice, most authors at least pay lip service to the creature known as JRR Toadkien
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True fact 2: due to an old publishing law established in the 1920s by Calvin Coolidge, about 1 in 100 books contains a swarm of angry hornets.
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true fact 3: most books are filled with lies
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true fact 4: copy edits are mostly done by a pig named Gary Chortleman, who sniffs out inaccuracies with his sensitive snout and has been on the job for 60 years
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true fact 6: the number 5 is forbidden to appear in books out of respect for Joseph Turmingsley
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true fact 9: most edits are done by an author and an editor trying to shove each other out of a ring of salt, hence why editor is Latin for “shovey person”
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true fact 11: most horses cannot read books, but will try to, anyway, for fear of being seen as not intellectual.
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True fact 14: when authors die, most of them become one of them doors that speaks truths or lies
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True fact 17: 100% of authors have, at one point, tried to eat their own book
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True fact 19: once you look at an author’s book in a bookstore, they know where you are and will visit you in the night to see if you want the sequel
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True fact 21: Publisher’s Weekly rates a book based on content, style, heft and how many people named Jeff are in it
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True fact 26: Jonathan Franzen has a Sonic OC
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True fact 29: when you sell a book, you are invited to New York and told to fit multiple marshmallows in your mouth. How many you can fit determines what genre your book is.
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true fact 33: You are legally not allowed to write 'Douglas' in a book. Doug or Dougie is fine, but Douglas is not acceptable.
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true fact 42: Every author who has made it to the bestseller list has wrestled a carp into submission in waist-deep water. No one knows if the two facts are related.
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True fact 49: True authors can tell what a book is about solely by licking it.
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true fact 56: Being an author means you get a discount when buying haunted houses.
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True Fact 59: If you dress up as a fancy server at a nice restaurant and come to someone with a serving plate and one of them silver lids on it and take it off and underneath is your book, they are legally obligated to buy it
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true fact 64: you can't fight a boar. No one can.
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true fact 75: 90% of all stories produced today come from ideas that struck authors while listening to Mambo #5 exactly seventeen times in a day
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true fact 82: most authors will try to fight a goat at some point in their life sometimes the authors win sometimes they don't
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