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SamSykesSwears's profile
Sam Sykes
Sam Sykes
Sam Sykes
Verified account
@SamSykesSwears

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Sam SykesVerified account

@SamSykesSwears

Fantasy author of The City Stained Red, The Mortal Tally and An Affinity for Steel. Professional bear-wrestler, angriest man alive.

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samsykes.com
Joined October 2009

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    1. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

      druids as a class are rough because turning into a bear isn’t great against, like, a dragon or iron golem, so you enter this arms race where druids have to spit bees and shit hurricanes just to stay viable in this dark earth

      88 replies 915 retweets 4,797 likes
      Show this thread
    2. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

      god damn, though, fighting a Druid must be stressful you try to cast a spell and he throws a goddamn squirrel in your mouth and that’s how your adventure ends: choking on a squirrel

      12 replies 98 retweets 1,008 likes
      Show this thread
    3. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

      Hail Altheran, Paladin Avenger of the Temple of Light. Hail Santress, Wizard of the Tower and Lady of the Arcane. Hail Steve, Unwashed Guy Who Lives In the Woods With a Beaver Named Ted.

      6 replies 60 retweets 920 likes
      Show this thread
    4. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

      you fight a Druid and you wake up the next morning with a rash you can’t explain and are afraid to know what it is it smells like gas station sushi and you’ve had a strange craving for lemonade and dried bugs since you noticed it this is a Druid’s power

      3 replies 33 retweets 673 likes
      Show this thread
      Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

      you wake up in the middle of the night and see the party Druid near the campfire, arguing violently with a mushroom you lean closer he’s drawn your face on the mushroom

      6:57 PM - 26 Oct 2018
      • 51 Retweets
      • 766 Likes
      • Ian Mathers tye dye pink singlet 2d6.io Souler Little Witch Amelia 🧡🖤🎀🧣 Joseph Kreye Official🦃TrashBoat 🎄bettiqua💝 The Rugby Evangelist
      3 replies 51 retweets 766 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

          the dungeon is finished, the time comes to divide up the treasure the Druid takes the boots, they're not even magical, he doesn't care--he takes every type of footwear you find, sometimes right off of corpses you've never once seen him wear any of them

          3 replies 20 retweets 647 likes
          Show this thread
        3. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

          the Druid is about to be cleaved in twain by an Orc you parry its blow, saving his life the next evening, you find a live trout in your bedroll. You look across the fire to the Druid, he looks back at you and winks

          4 replies 53 retweets 760 likes
          Show this thread
        4. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

          the march through Hobgoblin territory stretches into the night everyone's nerves are on edge, fearing an ambush the Druid whispers to you: "here, smoke this to take the edge off" he discreetly passes you an acorn

          1 reply 45 retweets 653 likes
          Show this thread
        5. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

          you are ambushed by Gnolls and a spear goes through your shoulder you fall and ask the Druid for healing he thinks, then nods sagely he bashes you in the knee with an oak branch

          5 replies 15 retweets 527 likes
          Show this thread
        6. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

          you're walking through the ruins with the Druid he nudges you, shoots you a lascivious, suggestive waggle of the eyebrows and gestures expectantly behind him is a patch of lichen

          2 replies 16 retweets 469 likes
          Show this thread
        7. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

          you hear whispering and see the Druid muttering something to a frog they both fall silent as you pass and then resume when they think you're out of earshot

          3 replies 25 retweets 510 likes
          Show this thread
        8. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

          you wake up and feel the claws of a badger carefully braiding your hair lying perfectly still, you look across the camp the Druid's bedroll is empty

          4 replies 60 retweets 610 likes
          Show this thread
        9. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

          as you're riding through the forest, a bird poops on your shoulder you look across the road, the Druid is looking back at you with bird poop on his shoulder you worry you might now be married

          1 reply 30 retweets 554 likes
          Show this thread
        10. Sam Sykes‏Verified account @SamSykesSwears Oct 26

          the Troll sniffs the air, searching for your scent ten feet away behind a wall, the Druid looks you dead in the eyes and slides his entire fist into his mouth daring you to say something

          13 replies 18 retweets 472 likes
          Show this thread
        11. End of conversation
        1. Robert  🦃the baste god 🦃 McNees‏ @mcnees Oct 26
          Replying to @SamSykesSwears

          I got in a twitter argument with a druid and my TL was “🐰🐻🦊🐸🦆🦅🦉🐺🐿🐿🐗🐴🦇🦉🐗🐿🐿🐿🐿🐺🦅🐿🐿🐿🐿🐿🦆🐻🦊🐰🦆🐷🦅🐗🐺🐿🐗🐺🦅” for a month, which, idk, I guess I didn’t expect that “Summon Woodland Creatures” would work here. Lesson definitely learned.

          0 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
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        1. New conversation
        2. litza.  ✨‏ @litzabronwyn Oct 26
          Replying to @SamSykesSwears

          is this a tweet about gray, @allmaxd20? 😂

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
        3. Max  🏰 🐲 McLaren‏ @allmaxd20 Oct 27
          Replying to @litzabronwyn @SamSykesSwears

          Gray draws his friends faces on silk his mushrooms when going in long solo journeys to keep him company.

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
        4. litza.  ✨‏ @litzabronwyn Oct 27
          Replying to @allmaxd20 @SamSykesSwears

          awwww x33pic.twitter.com/PvRnjgcxjj

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        5. End of conversation

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