Salabel

@Salabel2

I am almost nothing. But I can be so much less!

Vrijeme pridruživanja: svibanj 2018.

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  1. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    I know I'm not ready to be a parent bc I'd be at that school the next day like "Yal deadass finna come up off my baby Perfect Attendance Pencil NEEOOOWW!!"

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    Give me the names of any three actors and I will build you a Sundance movie.

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    Stepping onto the N train with a fake bat dangling out of my mouth to freak out the whites

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    24. sij

    LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, Tinder

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  5. 21. sij
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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    20. sij

    One time my stepdad called mom the C-word. She quietly walked across the living room, lifted our 24” tv OVER HER HEAD and threw it at him. It exploded like a bomb next to his chair. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the tv. Can you say that again” she calmly asked him.

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    just remembered the tommy lee jones and jim carrey batman forever anecdote

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    15. sij

    What movie sequel would be the funniest if it were titled, "Lost in Space"? I'll go first, The Santa Clause 2: Lost in Space

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    What percentage of your life the U.S. has been at war, by birth year: 1977: 44% 78: 45% 79: 46% 80: 47% 81: 49% 82: 50% 83: 51% 84: 53% 85: 55% 86: 56% 87: 58% 88: 60% 89: 62% 90: 64% 91: 67% 92: 65% 93: 68% 94: 71% 95: 74% 96: 77% 97: 81% 98: 85% 99: 90% 2000: 94% 2011-20: 100%

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. pro 2019.

    As a kid, I had to wear a brace because of scoliosis. I was also bullied a lot. In 6th grade, a kid said he was gonna punch me. I said "Okay, punch me in the stomach." He broke 3 fingers on my steel brace & got suspended. I laughed until I cried. He never bothered me again.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    19. pro 2019.

    City Planner: this intersection design would result in multiple, severe collisions every day Hot Wheels Creator: dope, right? City Planner: *nodding* super fuckin dope

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    do you think the kool aid man moves into bigger pitchers as he outgrows them like a hermit crab

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. stu 2019.

    Me: do you think he called himself T.S. Eliot so nobody would notice that T. Eliot is toilet backwards? Librarian: stop talking

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Watching Criminal Minds just means yelling things like “there isn’t any database that would even contain that information!!!!!!” at my TV when they ask Garcia to compile a list of, like, all the brown-haired teenage boys in a 15-mile area near Los Angeles

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. kol 2019.

    Me: if it's a boy let's call him Barry Her: ok Waiter: good evening Me: good evening Barry

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Bong Joon Ho's galaxy brain take on superhero movies.

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖 🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖 🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖 🐖🐖🐖 small kids 🐖🐖🐖 🐖🐖🐖 playing in 🐖🐖🐖 🐖🐖🐖 the yard 🐖🐖🐖 🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖 🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖 🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖🐖

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    This could be bus but you plane

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    When I swim in the sea, I ALWAYS take a bag of rotten fish with me to distract sharks that might try and attack me. You would be amazed how many sharks try and attack me

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