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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
I know I'm not ready to be a parent bc I'd be at that school the next day like "Yal deadass finna come up off my baby Perfect Attendance Pencil NEEOOOWW!!"pic.twitter.com/ezTc0fq1Ug
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
Give me the names of any three actors and I will build you a Sundance movie.
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
Stepping onto the N train with a fake bat dangling out of my mouth to freak out the whites
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Salabel proslijedio/la je TweetHvala. Twitter će to iskoristiti za poboljšanje vaše vremenske crte. PoništiPoništi
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
One time my stepdad called mom the C-word. She quietly walked across the living room, lifted our 24” tv OVER HER HEAD and threw it at him. It exploded like a bomb next to his chair. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the tv. Can you say that again” she calmly asked him.
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
just remembered the tommy lee jones and jim carrey batman forever anecdotepic.twitter.com/VxmVj2IGxm
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
What movie sequel would be the funniest if it were titled, "Lost in Space"? I'll go first, The Santa Clause 2: Lost in Space
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
What percentage of your life the U.S. has been at war, by birth year: 1977: 44% 78: 45% 79: 46% 80: 47% 81: 49% 82: 50% 83: 51% 84: 53% 85: 55% 86: 56% 87: 58% 88: 60% 89: 62% 90: 64% 91: 67% 92: 65% 93: 68% 94: 71% 95: 74% 96: 77% 97: 81% 98: 85% 99: 90% 2000: 94% 2011-20: 100%
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
As a kid, I had to wear a brace because of scoliosis. I was also bullied a lot. In 6th grade, a kid said he was gonna punch me. I said "Okay, punch me in the stomach." He broke 3 fingers on my steel brace & got suspended. I laughed until I cried. He never bothered me again.
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
City Planner: this intersection design would result in multiple, severe collisions every day Hot Wheels Creator: dope, right? City Planner: *nodding* super fuckin dope
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
do you think the kool aid man moves into bigger pitchers as he outgrows them like a hermit crab
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
Me: do you think he called himself T.S. Eliot so nobody would notice that T. Eliot is toilet backwards? Librarian: stop talking
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
Watching Criminal Minds just means yelling things like “there isn’t any database that would even contain that information!!!!!!” at my TV when they ask Garcia to compile a list of, like, all the brown-haired teenage boys in a 15-mile area near Los Angeles
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
Me: if it's a boy let's call him Barry Her: ok Waiter: good evening Me: good evening Barry
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Salabel proslijedio/la je TweetHvala. Twitter će to iskoristiti za poboljšanje vaše vremenske crte. PoništiPoništi
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet





























small kids 



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Salabel proslijedio/la je TweetHvala. Twitter će to iskoristiti za poboljšanje vaše vremenske crte. PoništiPoništi
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Salabel proslijedio/la je Tweet
When I swim in the sea, I ALWAYS take a bag of rotten fish with me to distract sharks that might try and attack me. You would be amazed how many sharks try and attack me
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