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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    13. pro 2019.

    [Tapping on the arc of your moral universe] Well there's your problem, this thing is supposed to bend.

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  2. That's a nice child singing a nursery rhyme you have there, it would be a real shame if someone were to play it in a minor key...

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 14 sati

    Let’s talk about our emotions, I’ll go first: I hate them

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    The merit of any post-apocalyptic movie lies in what's repurposed as a child's toy. "Here's a rusted crescent wrench, kid. It’s a Barbie now."

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 22 sata

    My pondering moods swing wildly between "how do I become a lighthouse keeper on a tiny island no one's heard of" and "how do I just be better at my regular job".

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    WHO WILL HUG WHO ON 🤗*HUG ISLAND*🏝

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. velj

    if the movie theater doesn't tell you to 'enjoy the show' then legally you can feel any emotion you want for at least the next 90 minutes

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  8. 5. velj

    Sometimes I worry that I've left it too late to pursue my dream of becoming the figurehead on the prow of a seventeenth century Spanish galleon.

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    Hey man how’s it going! What’s that you’ve got there? Wait, is that... my own petard? What’s going on dude

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop up like “Are you sure?”

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  11. 5. velj

    My colleagues are, almost exclusively, 55-year-old women, which means that I can navigate almost all workplace conversation by simply saying 'Well it sounds like you've got yourself a bit of a Fleetwood Mac situation...'

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  12. 4. velj

    Robots absolutely can identify objects in pictures, but only a human will dither about selecting the squares that just feature the pole that is holding the traffic light.

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  13. 3. velj

    Frankly I’m hurt that not one of you has burst into a charity auction and placed an outlandish bid on me, far in excess of the modest sums being touted, causing the auctioneer to disregard normal etiquette and immediately announce sold!

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    The app is called “You’re Cancelled.” When you’ve made plans that you wish you could cancel, you go into the app and press a little button. If the other person presses theirs too, congratulations! Confetti exploded and your plans are cancelled.

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    "take us to your leader" is just the alien version of "i'd like to speak to your manager"

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    6. sij

    Your pet thunderstorm bobs around excitedly when you lift the lid of the terrarium. You turn on your hair dryer and blow in a tiny warm front. It booms with joy as its little clouds flash and roll

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  17. 31. sij

    [Trying to make small talk with a geography teacher] so… how about that north, huh?

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    Well, well, well, if it isn’t the equal and opposite reaction to my action

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. sij

    Oh that's cool, I actually host a radio show / podcast called These American Lives... sort of a fuller picture.... yours sounds good too though. Nice meeting you. Ira, right?

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  20. 30. sij

    Thinking that this might be the year that I finally let a hitherto unknown relative who died a recluse bequeath me a vast and crumbling estate.

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  21. 30. sij

    Growing a beard is essentially just launching a gritty reboot of your face.

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