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SBF
@SBF_FTX
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@SBF_FTX
12) Sometimes I'm physically tired, and I sleep. But sometimes my exhaustion is mental. My mind will be spinning, my RAM full of everything important to me. Because I don't have much disk space, and don't trust it much. I live my life in my RAM.
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SBF
@SBF_FTX
13) Even if I wanted to empty it out, I couldn't. For better or for worse, those thoughts valuable enough for my active memory don't leave it. For most people, short-term memory is reserved for things you'll soon forget.
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SBF
@SBF_FTX
15) So, anyway, sometimes my mind is too full, or full of things demanding and exhausting. I want it to calm down. I'll try to lie on the beanbag, but it doesn't help. My mind is still spinning. Clinging to its looping thoughts. I lie awake, an insomniac once more.
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SBF
@SBF_FTX
16) I'll get up, and go to Netflix, to try to distract myself. And it seems like a great start! But thoughts contain multitudes, and so does modern TV. There will be overlap--enough overlap--that my mind retains a foothold, grabbing at things it recognizes in the plot.
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SBF
@SBF_FTX
17) And so my mind will keep spinning its wheels, exhausted or not. I'll close Netflix, and pull up some sports; but unless there are multiple games I care about on at that time, it's not compelling enough to distract me. Netflix was too compelling; sports, too boring.
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SBF
@SBF_FTX
18) And so I'll open up League of Legends. And, without thinking, I'll enter a game, and draft, and start. (A side note on this: I know I've said it's name enough to imply I'm good at it, but I'm really not. It's actually embarrassing how little I've grown at it.)
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