I'd pretty much only take that bet for #3, but even then "no bank account" leaves a pretty wide design space open to claim victory within.
Also somewhat curious how you plan oracles, our thoughts are here:
So to be clear when you said "I'm willing to bet literally every one of these points is marketing doublespeak" what you meant was "you will probably successfully accomplish 80% of these"?
As for oracles--why not have an oracle pointing to a DEX for a price feed?
two different persian guys lol
but yes, I think using a moving average from a DEX is largely sufficient, just still need consensus (governance) on what DEX address to use in case liquidity moves elsewhere