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I'd pretty much only take that bet for #3, but even then "no bank account" leaves a pretty wide design space open to claim victory within. Also somewhat curious how you plan oracles, our thoughts are here:

ethresear.ch

MetaCoin Governance Minimized Oracle

Although this scheme is meant to be used primarily in MetaCoin (pegged-coin system) and Reflexer (reflex-bond system), it can be applied to any DeFi protocol. General Mechanism In order to have a...

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So to be clear when you said "I'm willing to bet literally every one of these points is marketing doublespeak" what you meant was "you will probably successfully accomplish 80% of these"? As for oracles--why not have an oracle pointing to a DEX for a price feed?

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