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RobKimbrah's profile
Rob Kimber
Rob Kimber
Rob Kimber
@RobKimbrah

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Rob Kimber

@RobKimbrah

dressed like a roadman, listening to Hamilton. @FUTUREHIST0RY | @bmpandgrnd

Cardiff
instagram.com/RobKimbrah
Joined November 2009

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    1. Rob Kimber‏ @RobKimbrah Oct 20

      Ok, so I’ve started to read the bible. One of the oldest stories ever written, people kill each other over it, so I thought it’d give it a bash to see what all the fuss is about. Welcome to, KIMBERS BIBLE BASH.

      3 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
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      Rob Kimber‏ @RobKimbrah Oct 20

      Im like, 15 pages in but I’ve learnt that: - Abraham knocked up his wife’s slave. Lad. - Noah was 600+ years old. - The whole circumcision thing literally came out of nowhere. One day god was casually like ‘Yo Abraham, cut every ones foreskin off, yeah, bro?’. What a ride.

      3:41 AM - 20 Oct 2018
      • 1 Like
      • Georgia Rose
      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
        1. New conversation
        2. Rob Kimber‏ @RobKimbrah Oct 20

          Angels aren’t mentioned at all until all the Sodom & Gomorrah shit goes down. They rock up, let Abraham’s nephew (I think?), ‘Lot’, leave for some reason, even though 15 minutes earlier he’d offered up his virgin daughters to a mob to chill them out a bit.

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
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        3. Rob Kimber‏ @RobKimbrah Oct 20

          Then they blind a bunch of fellas & fuck up the whole city. Jokes on the angels though, because after Lot escaped, his daughters got him drunk, banged him & had a couple of lovely incestuous sons.

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
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        4. Rob Kimber‏ @RobKimbrah Oct 20

          No mention of angels having wings or anything cool btw. Which is disappointing. They kinda sound like bailiffs. Anyway, meanwhile, Abraham’s been running about telling every rich chump they meet that his wife is his sister.

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
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        5. Rob Kimber‏ @RobKimbrah Oct 20

          It’s a sick hustle, A-Ham stylee: 1) Passes his wife off as his sister. 2) Chump tries to marry her. 3) God jumps in all like ‘THATS A SIN, SHES MARRIED’. 4) Chump apologises by giving A-Ham a bunch of gold & goats or some shit. CHA-CHING!pic.twitter.com/xTPL96etxb

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
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        6. Rob Kimber‏ @RobKimbrah Oct 20

          & When he gets called out on it, he’s like, and I quote: “She is indeed my sister, the daughter of my father but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife” Everyones confused as fuck so no one realises that he’s married to his half sister. #AHampic.twitter.com/qkl6X0dtw1

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        7. Rob Kimber‏ @RobKimbrah Oct 20

          Abraham & his sister / wife end up having a baby (Isaac). They’re both old as fuck, so that’s awesome. They awkwardly bump into his sister / wife’s old slave, the one he knocked up....who it turns out...had a son (Ishmael).pic.twitter.com/XXa3vifx3Y

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        8. Rob Kimber‏ @RobKimbrah Oct 20

          Not sure if A-Han knew about the kid, but his sister / wife is pissssssed & tells him to send ‘em packing. He does, of course, because he’s an ass. They get banished & Ishmael grows up in the jungle or something. His slave mum managed to blag him a wife from Egypt though. Nice.pic.twitter.com/pLjCW3rnTJ

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
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        9. Rob Kimber‏ @RobKimbrah Oct 20

          That’s probably a good time to wrap up episode one of KIMBERS BIBLE BASH. Catch you next time, where we’ll discuss a place/person or item called a Babel.pic.twitter.com/WXNxWuxyHd

          1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
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        10. End of conversation

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