1, Morning thread: I am a reporter. I have reporter anxiety dreams.
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2. Last night in my Jackson, Miss., hotel room, I dreamed that I had an interview scheduled with Johnny Carson (?!? -- Me to my subconscious: Um, OK, Boomer.) …
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3. So I went to my dream car, parked in a driveway, but a guy had blocked me in with his own car. I was worried I was going to be late for Johnny, so I went to ask the guy to move it. But…
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4. …the guy told me to pound, & pulled a knife. By now I was in the space btw waking & dreaming, & remembered an ex-girlfriend’s theory of “active dreaming,” which held that if yr threatened by a dream monster, you should gouge out its eyes rather than run from yr fear. And so…
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5. …I kicked the dream guy’s knife out of his hands & stabbed him. Please know that in waking life there is 0.0% chance I would do this, as I’m generally a lover not a flghter (Me to internal pop culture reference-generator: Um, OK, Boomer). Then…
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6. ….I ran off to my interview with Johnny w/ bloody hands clutching my notebook. By this time….
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7. …I was fully awake and realized I was, in waking life, engaged in an ugly & pointless Twitter spat with some guy who had randomly dragged me in a Tweet at the end of a long workday. To that guy, if you are reading this, I want to say….
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8. … as we start off this morning together, I apologize for not suppressing the stabbier part of my nature when provoked. I apologize for having a stabby nature in the first place. If I ever see you in…
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9. … my dreams, I will garland you with lavender and white poppies, & buy you dream beers. // END.
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