I can do this thing. Ladies, circle up.https://twitter.com/polotek/status/998336914842312707 …
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As
@polotek points out succinctly, sexism and misogyny is what men do to women. Toxic masculinity is what men do to each other. AND women can enforce, perpetuate, encourage and uphold toxic masculinity in many ways.1 reply 33 retweets 148 likesShow this thread -
For all the dudes who showed up to the
#ToxicMasculinity thread asking about#toxicfemininity, well I stand by my point that it’s not a term, but it’s only not a term because it hasn’t been properly defined and researched.2 replies 3 retweets 59 likesShow this thread -
When women police each other’s femininity it’s called lateral violence. When they do it to themselves it’s called internalized misogyny. When white women do it to women of color it’s upholding white supremacy.
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But let’s talk about how women uphold toxic masculinity. We do this mostly through two different roles, let’s call them Mother and Mate. These roles are symbolic, not specific to your actual relationship to a man. We’re just naming them so we can more easily identify behaviors.
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Mothering behaviors will cover “don’t do x or other people won’t like you” and Mate behaviors will cover “don’t do y or I won’t like you”.
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So no matter your relationship to a man, you can play Mother or Mate or both to perpetuate toxic masculinity. Let’s start with the obvious one: “boys don’t cry.”
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Clearly, this message does not only come from men. Women can communicate this as well, when we don’t take young boys’ feelings seriously. When we don’t teach them to name their feelings and communicate them. When we think their feelings are more simple than ours.
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The other side effect of not taking their feelings seriously is that often we’ll let young boys get away with more violent tendencies than we would young girls. Just think if you had a 5 year old who hit people, does the gender of the child change how you feel about the act?
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Does the gender of the person they’re hitting change how you feel about the act? It may not to you, but I know a lot of little boys who get away with hitting people when a little girl doing the same would be labeled “disturbed”.
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I totally believe it but at the same time it's so utterly backwards to me. Similar level of backwards as holding civilians to higher standard than cops.
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