Issue escalated by executive. Critical employee PC impossibly slow. Fairly decent laptop. I reimage it. Same issue. Request remote session. See Chrome at 1 frame per second. Uninstall Grammarly which does DLL injection to processes. Issue fixed. Seriously fuck 3rd party code.
Windows ppl finding "injecting third party code into applications" perfectly normal is probably how we got the awful video driver architecture Linux is stuck with where vendor drivers get dlopened into applications.