are there tabletops made out of a material that isn't absurdly heavy, isn't slippery, and withstands heat/water up to ~100C asking uh for a friend
Yes & it's awesome but probably thicker & thus heavier than you want. If not, go for it.
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If you want thinner, Lowes has some good options but you'll need to join them somehow because the widths aren't sufficient for table or countertop.
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