Rex HuppkeOvjeren akaunt

@RexHuppke

(VERY SERIOUS) Chicago Tribune humor columnist (syndicated). Narwhal lover. Hypocrisy enthusiast. ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE (2017 to present).

Chicago
Vrijeme pridruživanja: veljača 2009.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    My favorite part of the Bible is where Jesus gives money to the rich, tells the poor to suck it up and asks for Caesar's birth certificate.

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  2. They look like they're on a one-way flight to Jonestown. (Google it.)

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  3. 3/ The left is unable or unwilling to behave similarly, so while Trump and the GOP overcome infinite gaffes and wrongdoing, the left can't let a fart slip without getting hammered. I have no clue how to fix this, but it's a massive obstacle for any Democratic candidate. END

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  4. 2/ The right will latch onto anything - something big like this Iowa screw up or something tiny like a tan suit - and shake it until it bleeds and sprays blood everywhere and attracts a pack of rabid wolves. It's a horrible thing, but its horribleness doesn't make it ineffective.

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  5. 1/ What's staggering is that Trump can step on his dick 33 times a day and it gets largely ignored while Democrats have one thing go sideways and it becomes THE BIGGEST SCANDAL IN AMERICAN HISTORY. Recognizing that that's what we're dealing with is important.

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I’m gonna be really pissed if after all of this Bran is the nominee.

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  7. Iowa Caucuses 2: Electic Boogaloo

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    President Trump will deliver his State of the Union address on Tuesday, a day before he's almost certain to be acquitted in his impeachment trial. Columnist imagines an unhinged tirade.

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 4 sata

    Here’s Trump using the Iowa problems to give more support to his bestie in Moscow.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 4 sata
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  12. And now we go live to the developer of the results app.

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 13 sati

    The other news networks should boycott Trump’s lunch briefing. Otherwise they are helping him to further assault the free press.

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  14. 4/ There’s another vote and each candidate gets a certain number of delegates but nobody really cares and while they’re in there all the other people in Iowa (all 12) wonder where all the white people went. THE END

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  15. 3/ There’s a brief pause for a human sacrifice and then they tabulate which candidate is “viable” or “not viable.” Supporters of the “not viable” candidates are chased from the room by bees, UNLESS they switch to a viable candidate after being bribed with pie.

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  16. 2/ If bees from the Bee Jar (every site has a Bee Jar) sting a person on the hand, that person gets to caucus. Everyone else has to go home. Once voting begins, they take a break for coffee and wash the preserves off their hands. Then they write down their first choice.

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  17. 1/ For those confused about the , let me explain while we’re waiting on results. Caucus goers enter the site and first have to stick their hand in a jar of strawberry preserves. (The preserves have to be delivered by a man named Merle.)

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  18. Fun Iowa Caucus Fact: If the coin lands upright, the coin itself is the nominee.

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  19. Guys, there’s an outside chance I’m going to win the Iowa caucuses.

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Election News: My dog just caucused on the floor.

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  21. Still not convinced Iowa exists.

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