Rabbi Sara Zober

There are places where kids, and all that come with their presence, are absolutely not welcome. If a young parent can't get a stroller down the aisles, their kids aren't welcome. If you can't nurse your baby in the sanctuary during services, your baby isn't welcome. That simple.

If you're not ok with whispered (or not) questions and skipping up and down aisles during services, kids aren't welcome. If parents have to grab their toddlers before they get to the bima, kids aren't welcome. (The exception is safety. Don't let them get close to the candles.)

In our shul, for as long as we are the rabbis, kids are welcome. I tell parents the only time I want quiet is during the kaddish. Otherwise, if your kid comes up on the bima, they'll be turning pages for me or we'll pick them up (if a toddler/crawler) and sing with them.

For example: we have an early elementary student who loves one particular song. They sing it at the top of their lungs, and the people around them usually try to quash their enthusiasm. So from the bima, I compliment their spirit and make them the song-leader for it.

GOD LOVES KIDS. God gives kids great energy, and you can either also love and welcome it in your spaces, or you better stop complaining about the fact that kids are bored and families don't come to your shul. And it's not like it's chaos at our shul, with kids running amok.

When kids who read come, give them a book. Have the expectation that they sing and follow along. Pair them up, let them sit together if they want to and can do it without being distracted the whole time. Tell them what you expect of their behavior. Not scolding, just expected.

When the younger kids see the older kids participating, you'll see an amazing shift in behavior. They'll start sitting with the older kids, because the older kids are cool. The older ones will follow along for them in the Hebrew. Learning happens organically in these moments.

And for heaven's sake, praise the good behavior, mention briefly the bad behavior, and then forget the bad behavior. Kids will remember you as the old person who was mean to them, or the one who made you feel good about all the good you did. And it will mold their Jewish lives.

Rabbis especially have this power, but all adults can do it. You can scold and squash a child and give them a negative experience, or you can address that child as a human being, welcome them in and love them for who they are. They will remember that to the end of their days.

The original tweet wasn't a bad one. Random handstands in the sanctuary are distracting. But if a kid wants to offer something cool, there is always a way to work it in. Tell me what you want to do, and let's find a great place to do it together!

For the kid who wants to handspring, maybe we can see the handspring right before the blessing for the body as a way to marvel at how amazingly God made our bodies. What a blessing! What a memorable thing!

I just wish we spent more time loving and learning from kids, that's all. They know so many things better than we do.