Donald J. Trump

Its past noon! Just woke up! Overslept AGAIN -was binge watching Star Trek TOS last night. Missed National Securiety Briefing. NOT MY FAULT! SECRET SERVICE or my assitants SHOULD HAVE GOT ME UP earlier. Good news: I leave at 4 pm for MY GOLF WEEKEND! #FridayFeeling

Just found out that FBI agent Peter Strzok said I was an “idiot”!! HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY KNOW THAT? Only people CLOSE to ME knew that! Which one of my TRAITEROUS cabinnet members TOLD Strzok?! Was it Mnuchin? Or maybe DeVos or Mattis? I WILL FIND OUT! #ThursdayThoughts

Germanys Low IQ Merkel & Canadas dopey Trudeau are ANGRY at me? There MAD because I tweeted about our secret 3pm meeting w/ NASA, Defense Dept & world leaders on the topic of finding the crashed alien ship in Greenland. I didnt reveal ANY information! I KNOW HOW TO KEEP A SECRET!

Recent Satellite photos show North Korea is RAPIDLY improving nuclear research facilities. Don't worry! MY Trump-Kim agreement still stands! I texted Kim Jung-Un & he PROMISED ME he's creating "NEW" long-range nuclear missiles that will be used for PEACEFUL PURPOSES ONLY! #MAGA

At MY national security briefing now. Boring. They think I’m taking notes on my phone. More talk about Russians in Seeria. Who cares! Air Force lewtenant now presenting info. She’s cute, 8.5, maybe 9. Why dont Female officers Show more cleavage & wear miniskirts? #WednesdayWisdom

MY 6/27 schedule 8–11am–Trump-Putin daydream! 11:30-Intel briefing-w/PICS/nap 12–make remarks at a dumb event 1–Lunch w/Pompeo–KFC & Cake! 2-Meet king of Porchagal 3-SECRET meeting about alien discovery 4:20–travel to Fargo. Kansas? 8pm–Rally-5 million atending! #WednesdayWisdom

Wow! Supreme Court rules my Muslim Ban is Leagle! SCOTUS ruling means I can do WHATEVER I want! I can now expand the travel ban to other countries like Canada, Mexico & Germany since there leaders DON'T LIKE ME AND ARE VERY VERY MEAN TO ME!!

MY 6/26 schedule: 7am-11 Watch @FoxNews 11:30-Meet w/Builder Execs. BORING! 12-Lunch w/Congress people–CAN'T WAIT for Complements! 1:30-Meet gov of W Virginya-NOBODY knows his name 2-Nap 3:30-give Metal of Honor to some dude 4-Call cam girl 5pm-3am-Play Fortnight #TuesdayThoughts

I’m ordering the National Archives to send me the original US Constitution so I can make changes to it with MY Presidential Pen! MY NEW TRUMP Constitution will be GREAT! I told congressianal Republicans my plan & NOBODY objected EXCEPT for GOP Losers Jeff Flake & Bob Corker. Sad!

Since Hope Hicks left ME, it’s IMPOSSIBLE for me to pay attention to ANY of my UNATTRACTIVE advisors! Instead of having Hope, I’m now getting GREAT ADVICE from Shawna Lenee, the ONLY live Cam girl whose able to give me advice on BOTH foreign AND domestic policy! @ShawnaLeneeShow

Pentagon BETTER STOP SENDING OFFICERS WHO INTERRUPT MY GOLF GAME with urgent messages about national security threats! GET A CLUE PENTAGON! GOLF IS A GAME OF CONSENTRATION! If I wanted to hear from the Pentagon- OR ANYBODY ELSE- on MY DAY OFF, I'd turn my phone on! #SundayMorning

MY Supreme Court ruled that bakers can refuse to serve people who are gay. Last night, the Red Hen resturant REFUSED to serve Sarah Huckabee Sanders! I DIDN’T KNOW Sarah was gay! She NEVER told ME! Why does she ALWAYS LIE to everybody!? Sad! #SaturdayMorning

Had another meeting with Vice Presedent Pence today. EVERY TIME I see him, he asks me about my health. I always say I'm fine which always makes Pence VERY sad. No idea why... I think he's using meth again. #SaturdayMorning

Despite PROTESTS from WHINING generals, Ive ordered the Pentagon to build concentration camps on military bases for 20,000 immigrant children. MY Generals say soldiers don't know HOW to imprison kids, so I told them to copy how the germans did it in WWII. SMART! #FridayMotivation

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow BETTER NOT blame ME for My new policy of dragging babies away from mothers to be abused at Tender Age Shelters! NOT MY FAULT!! Blame all of my heartless stupid racist Trump voters. Thats what they keep BEGGING me to do! Sad. #WednesdayWisdom #WorldRefugeeDay

If ANY of my assistants read this tweet, come UPSTAIRS to my master bathroom IMMEDIATLY!!! and BRING a roll of toilet paper! #WednesdayWisdom

Today I met the KING OF SPAIN! King Felipe. But NOBODY could understand ANYTHING he said. After we sat down we realized that NONE of my 450 appointees at the White House knew how to speak Spainish. So instead of talking, we ate ice cream & played Wii bowling. #TuesdayThoughts

Week and inefective on crime Democrats HATE MY NEW idea to have All Cops across the country separate children from moms for CRIMES like Parking tickets, Speeding tickets, etc. Kids in cages is Deterence! Unlike Obama I’m tough on crime! #MAGA #TuesdayThoughts #KeepFamilesTogether

I made a hat out of aluminum foil (all by myself). Then I ordered 17 secret service agents to TRY to read my mind while I wore it. HAT WORKED! NOBODY HAD ANY IDEA WHAT I WAS THINKING! I should ware this hat ALL the time! Muellers spys are EVERYWHERE! WHICHHUNT! #TuesdayThoughts