So I may have done the whitest thing imaginable today. I never thought I would be this white woman. But here we are. Join me for this story
-
We really want more space so have been checking out rental homes. Today we saw this cute older house. A bungalow. I was allpic.twitter.com/w8N5hBgH8N
It rained last night so the outside is a little gloomy. Older house. Wet stone. My husband is like "Eh it's a little creepy."pic.twitter.com/iHHpG7NCYq
-
-
I'm all "No! it's just rainy! It's cute!" So the agent starts giving us the tour. First thing we notice is this weird grate thing inside.
-
I say "we." No. My *husband* noticed. I was admiring the crown moulding and he was like "Um, what is this?" *points*
-
Agent: "Oh that's just the return vent for the AC." Me: "Oh okay!" Husband: "Why does it look like the bars to a dungeon?" Agent:pic.twitter.com/peolDuk2lK
-
We move along in the tour. We check out the kitchen. It's tiny and I cook a lot, so even I was like, "hmm." Husband notices something.
-
"What are these scratches on the window?" Agent: "Oh, I think it's tough to open so probably a little wear and tear." Me: "Oh okay!" Him:pic.twitter.com/DJOgLCTKgi
-
We check out the upstairs. Perfect room for a nursery. Master bedroom is smallish, but nice big closet. Me right now:pic.twitter.com/Em1NQ2msmW
-
Husband *inspecting closet*: "Um...what is this little door inside the closet?" Agent: "What little door? Oh. I didn't notice that."pic.twitter.com/PIk60dCYMY
-
Husband opens the door. It's a tiny dark room. Husband looks at me, whispers: "It looks like that shit from Get Out, Olivia." Me by now:pic.twitter.com/9c32VsbTNv
-
Agent: "Let's check out the basement next, shall we?" Me: "Okay!" Husband: "I mean..." We go to the basement.
-
It's very clean and not super dark. Lots of shelving. Couple chairs. And a door in the very back. It has three padlocks & a sliding lock.
-
Husband immediately: "What does that door go to?" Agent quickly: "Oh, I don't think it goes anywhere. We don't have a key." Me: Ok! Him:pic.twitter.com/4x4ISH3DXb
-
Agent: "I think it goes to the backyard." Husband: "Why is it locked? With like 10 locks?" Agent:pic.twitter.com/jZQJgi0vQM
-
Agent: "Let's check out the backyard, shall we?" Me: "Okay!" Husband: "Lord Jesus."
-
We go to the backyard. It's so cute. Rosebushes. Hostas and shit. Firepit. Me, forgetting about the door locked to keep the Devil out:pic.twitter.com/bZrS4DmeAh
-
There's a latticework thingy that hides the underside of the house. I see a door. Me: See? There's the door! It just goes to the backyard!
-
Husband: You realize that door is on the opposite side of the basement. (points at blank wall) That's where the locked door should be. Me:pic.twitter.com/tn7X9Y6xqF
-
And he was right. The door I was looking at had a window into the basement. The place where the Devil-locked door should have been was empty
-
Agent: "We take online applications as well as paper. <goes over the details.> Me: "Uh...okay." Husband:pic.twitter.com/NVBYrVxoep
-
We get in the car. Drive away down the gray empty street. I say, "So...what did you think?" Husband:pic.twitter.com/nYzI0VFRpl
-
All of us have seen the movie where the white woman is making dumb ass decisions & ignoring EVERY SIGN OF THE DEVIL'S HANDIWORK.
-
Well, everyone. Today. Today I was that white woman. The devil almost got me for some goddamn rosebushes and a built-in china cabinet.
-
I was almost signing a 12 month lease with The Conjuring bc my white ass got taken in by some original hardwood floors & a porcelain tub
-
Considering lighting sage in case the Devil saw my dumb ass swooning over a screened-in verandah and decided to follow me home.
-
Pray for me. But more importantly....pray for my husband for marrying my dumb ass. Fin.
-
Note: A white woman replied to this thread and said "Well, a porcelain tub? Now I get it!" See. We cannot be trusted. HGTV by Stephen King
-
Moved into our new place today. It doesn't appear to be haunted. If I start tweeting about loving Satan soon tho, you know what happened.
-
Not THAT house, guys!! Different house!! I learned, okay! This is a perfectly normal rental home with no quadruple-locked mystery doors.pic.twitter.com/2RY8V7g1s2
- 4 more replies
New conversation -
Loading seems to be taking a while.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.