Corey Quinn

Telling @awscloud customers to "screw off, we're not building it" was frowned upon. This sentiment thus evolved into "You can do it yourself in Lambda!"

Amazon's managed ElasticSearch offering is awful because it's ElasticSearch.

SimpleDB was never removed from the AWS console; it was never there in the first place. You can still use SimpleDB, but why would you when you can use Route 53 instead?

A major reason to go public cloud that @awscloud can't say outright is "you people freaking suck at running datacenters."

Everyone likes to make fun of outages in us-east-1 that break the internet, but Azure takes outages and everyone's websites all stay up. One wonders why.

If your DR plan assumes us-east-1 dies unrecoverably, what you're really planning for is 100 square miles of Northern Virginia no longer existing. Good luck with that ad farm in a nuclear wasteland, buddy!

Route 53 isn't really a database, but then again, neither is Redis.

Every time AWS announces a price cut, it's invariably to an aspect of a single service in a handful of regions. Data transfer still spendy.

Amazon has a lot of dogs in its office, and they're frugal. This led to disaster two years ago when the puppers were put in charge of re:Invent logistics.

S3 is neither a file nor a block storage service. This unlocks many benefits, most notably that you get to correct anyone who calls it a file or block storage service.

In their infinite wisdom, @awscloud called a new office building in Seattle "re:Invent" because they hate their own employees.

To set AWS development back by a full six months, give their leadership a puppy and tell them to name it.

Despite no fewer than 6 attempts to patch the Open S3 Bucket problem, it remains. You can't patch people--legally, anyway.

Nobody to speak of uses autoscaling groups, because their applications won't tolerate it. Thus Spot is also a non-starter.

"90-95% of our features come from customer requests." That's not bragging, that's disclaiming responsibility. Have you met some of their customers?!

If you run Datadog or SignalFX, it's possible to spend more than what you pay them in CloudWatch access charges.

If you pick any word from the English dictionary and put it after the word "Cloud," it's likelier than not that you'll raise at least a solid seed round.

You work for an AWS competitor. Yes, even you, AWS employees. Look around at other service teams.

RDS is a huge win not because of anything intrinsic to what the platform actually is, but because we collectively suck at setting up and managing replication, backups, etc.

Aurora in turn fixes two problems with RDS: Better naming convention (a Disney princess this time) and fixing an understandable billing model with something nobody knows how to predict in advance.

MultiCloud is a good idea if you're tetched in the head; it treats cloud solely as "a place to run a bunch of VMs." If that's all you're doing, go you I guess. Bring money!

If you go all in on any provider, I care not which one, there's an entire ecosystem of folks with absolutely nothing left to sell you.

"All the cool kids are doing it" drives *everything* in high school. When you grow up and enter the workforce, this doesn't change, we just call it the "Gartner Magic Quadrant."

The correct DR planning response to "what if AWS just goes away entirely" is "anyone with half a clue will be making a mint consulting for other companies, so good luck you folks!"

I'm not saying that AWS sales folks are incentivized by service, but a sudden breathless "USE AURORA AND GET THERE WITH DMS!" from someone who until that moment had been decidedly non-technical is... suspicious.

I'm not saying that only AWS has good ideas, but when a company who's very clearly on the decline throws mud at the successful company, consider the source.

Companies who are about to be put out of business pay AWS hundreds of thousands of dollars to sponsor re:Invent. This isn't "a protection racket," it's "The AWS Partner Network."

"No sensible person would migrate from Oracle to an Amazon database." --@FakeOracleLarry I can't top that joke.

If you're naming a conference after an email subject line, I guess re:Invent beats fwd:Check This Shit Out, but not by much.