the weird thing is, for me it happened after i decided that trying to have agency was bad and that i would no longer try to "have an effect"
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i suspect it's because my parents were ill-matched. autistic perfectionism and pious perfectionism sound like they're just two kinds of perfectionism but they don't play nicely. no drivers available yet, have you tried emulation?
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So if you decide you want something not good do you get something good or just something not good in the opposite way
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I always think what I want is good, but if I get anything good it's not that
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So if you get anything good it's bad?
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if i get anything that i had decided was good it's bad, and if i get anything good it's something i had decided wasn't good
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You avi makes a lot of sense now
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the poem is - "here we see before us in light of day a Sisyphus, begging the people for honor and influence"
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