okay yeah this is making some things click into place. the whole concept of men cold approaching women has always confused me *so much* on a visceral level and i think it's because of this specific thing. fucking hell
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there's a whole thing i'd like to write about in more detail at some point about the way i feel like feminism became my de facto religion growing up. the central myth was The Rape, the most holy figure was The Rape Victim, and the most sinful figure was The Rapist
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really not a pleasant combo to first be told “hey so rape is the worst thing ever” and then “also all women everywhere assume you do it until you somehow prove to them that you don’t” 🙃🙃🙃
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Replying to @jessicamalonso and @QiaochuYuan
When someone's in their head, spinning about how women are and what women think and how I might end up thinking or feeling about them, they don't really seem like they're actually there with me, and can't be aware of how I'm really feeling - including what I do and don't want.
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At the end of the day I think we all have a responsibility to feel safe in ourselves b4 we can be w one another. I view it as, men have a responsibility to also regulate themselves: believe they have nothing to prove & that safety can be reached at diff speeds w each individual
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Like if u are a safe kind person ur likely not going to be incapable of naturally emanating that, and if you don’t give the right impression there r other ppl willing to trust you more. If you trust yourself more they will too. It’s a valid neurosis and a pain of men but
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You have power in this interaction to make women feel safe, like they have power over you too. These concern diff realms; for us it’s oft physical safety and for you it’s emotional, but the same responsibility is we all need to self soothe & feel the option to leave is avail too
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It’s also not helpful to assume all women will think ur bad bc you r a dude bc of reverse sexism, just as for us it’s not helpful to assume all dudes r rapists or something . This is simply not true of reality, but yes a valid cognitive distortion both genders can face
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Also in my own exp I have gone out of my way to talk in a friendly intentional way to men to signal to them that I’m not going to go and dox them. I’m aware they have thsi wound/ I don’t think it cancels out my own w men. I believe other women feel similarly to me. Mercy is poss
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If a man approaches me I always view it as empowerment on my part to be kind to him regardless of my lvl of attraction bc he deserves that, & I don’t think it’s right for women to put men in a double bind and patriarchy has rly fucked us all up. I hope & believe u can find peace
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