and maybe this is triggering for you, because you have a core need to be "loved perfectly and unconditionally"-- basically a need for "motherly love"
(I don't remember exactly what tweets this perception was based on, smth with your mom and/or what you needed from a gf)--
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though maybe you're mistaken about what that kind of love entails?
and can see any evidence of "perception of my character flaws" as evidence that someone "couldn't truly love you" --> "you'll never be loved" (whereas motherly love is love *given while fully aware of flaws*)
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this is exactly what I was referring to in this tweet-- not that you "don't want to harm women" but that you're upset by "being perceived as even possibly bad", or "not being perceived as purely, flawlessly good"
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I have a suspicion that a lot of men who are "worried about hurting women" (somehow, e.g. through sexual advances or w/e) are actually more worried about being seen as "the sort of guy who hurts women"
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NEEDING that validation from women-- and specifically how you'd react when she sets a healthy boundary and you suddenly feel like you might never get the sort of love you believe you need-- is what would make you "unsafe" anyway
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and then my expectation would be that the men who say this a lot will likely be very needy (for validation from women)
since they "fear being bad" in some way, they really *need* others to constantly reinforce the idea that they aren't bad--
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already here you describe women as "assuming you're a rapist" (maybe this is not a current/endorsed view?)-- but this seems like a bad faith view, given that they clearly have to make decisions given low information, high maximum risk, unclear benefits, uncertain probabilities
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I get that this is all in-process emotional stuff, and can see how people each internalize/integrate bits of broader culture differently and in uniquely harmful ways etc-- but pls do consider how it might be both true and *not about you* that "women are rational not to trust you"
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this was frustrating to read, you’re taking stuff i talked about in some cases literally years ago and assuming i haven’t made any progress on them since
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like, you are describing a real dynamic that people definitely fall into, that i have been more susceptible to in the past, but that i think i’ve cleaned up maybe 80% and am now hunting around for the remaining 20% and this was part of that process
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this bit in particular is almost right but slightly off in an immensely frustrating way. it’s not about being perceived as bad. it’s about whether i am *damned*. i’m not kidding about the *religious* aspect of this
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Replying to @lisatomic5 and @QiaochuYuan
this is exactly what I was referring to in this tweet-- not that you "don't want to harm women" but that you're upset by "being perceived as even possibly bad", or "not being perceived as purely, flawlessly good"
twitter.com/lisatomic5/sta
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i’m still incredibly frustrated about this
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i think i’m frustrated by the sense that you’re pretending to help me but actually judging me and if you’re actually judging me i’d much rather you just be straight about that
hahaha i am 95% sure lisa is being straight with you here
we had a conversation about this kind of thing, like, a week ago
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so I'm not sure how to more literally and directly explain what I'm doing here and what the status is of my 'beliefs'
more context/explanation: I've been reading QC's introspection posts for 2 years and in the process formed impressions about how they might piece together--
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan
ok so I am also gonna offer my "story" about what could be going on here, which can obvi be totally wrong but just what I'm kind of piecing together across new/old threads:
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With love: is any of this overthinking proving helpful?
I'm vaguely aware of some kind of therapy subset of tpot
But maybe an echo chamber that endulges/fights these thoughts on their own terms instead of dismissing them is anti-helpful; weaponizing your own iq against yourself
you are ok. you are trying, and it is hard. you are in a memetic finger trap. very painful, very confusing, but essentially simple.
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so they'll be prone to interpreting any expressions of hurt or negative emotion on the woman's part as an *accusation*, and will have a giant emotional reaction to it
(and she'll end up walking on eggshells and perceiving him as 'emotionally unsafe')
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man i don’t know if my responses here are helpful but YOU AREN’T DAMNED
you aren’t
*YOU AREN’T*
you’re fucking amazing and badass and not damned
but there are going to be people telling you you are damned forever
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