there's a whole thing i'd like to write about in more detail at some point about the way i feel like feminism became my de facto religion growing up. the central myth was The Rape, the most holy figure was The Rape Victim, and the most sinful figure was The Rapist
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really not a pleasant combo to first be told “hey so rape is the worst thing ever” and then “also all women everywhere assume you do it until you somehow prove to them that you don’t” 🙃🙃🙃
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ok so I am also gonna offer my "story" about what could be going on here, which can obvi be totally wrong but just what I'm kind of piecing together across new/old threads:
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it might be that you perceive a woman's "defenses" (boundaries) as accusations against your character-- to hear e.g. "I don't trust you" not as a statement describing her own emotional experience, but as a character accusation
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Replying to @lisatomic5
i can't speak for anyone else but for me insofar as "autist gf" has any appeal as a fantasy it's that i assume neurotypical women have a billion defenses up against men all the time and autist women will have less of those which will make it a lot easier for me to relax
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and maybe this is triggering for you, because you have a core need to be "loved perfectly and unconditionally"-- basically a need for "motherly love"
(I don't remember exactly what tweets this perception was based on, smth with your mom and/or what you needed from a gf)--
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though maybe you're mistaken about what that kind of love entails?
and can see any evidence of "perception of my character flaws" as evidence that someone "couldn't truly love you" --> "you'll never be loved" (whereas motherly love is love *given while fully aware of flaws*)
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this is exactly what I was referring to in this tweet-- not that you "don't want to harm women" but that you're upset by "being perceived as even possibly bad", or "not being perceived as purely, flawlessly good"
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I have a suspicion that a lot of men who are "worried about hurting women" (somehow, e.g. through sexual advances or w/e) are actually more worried about being seen as "the sort of guy who hurts women"
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NEEDING that validation from women-- and specifically how you'd react when she sets a healthy boundary and you suddenly feel like you might never get the sort of love you believe you need-- is what would make you "unsafe" anyway
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and then my expectation would be that the men who say this a lot will likely be very needy (for validation from women)
since they "fear being bad" in some way, they really *need* others to constantly reinforce the idea that they aren't bad--
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already here you describe women as "assuming you're a rapist" (maybe this is not a current/endorsed view?)-- but this seems like a bad faith view, given that they clearly have to make decisions given low information, high maximum risk, unclear benefits, uncertain probabilities
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I get that this is all in-process emotional stuff, and can see how people each internalize/integrate bits of broader culture differently and in uniquely harmful ways etc-- but pls do consider how it might be both true and *not about you* that "women are rational not to trust you"
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Replying to
this was frustrating to read, you’re taking stuff i talked about in some cases literally years ago and assuming i haven’t made any progress on them since
like, you are describing a real dynamic that people definitely fall into, that i have been more susceptible to in the past, but that i think i’ve cleaned up maybe 80% and am now hunting around for the remaining 20% and this was part of that process
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this bit in particular is almost right but slightly off in an immensely frustrating way. it’s not about being perceived as bad. it’s about whether i am *damned*. i’m not kidding about the *religious* aspect of this
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Replying to @lisatomic5 and @QiaochuYuan
this is exactly what I was referring to in this tweet-- not that you "don't want to harm women" but that you're upset by "being perceived as even possibly bad", or "not being perceived as purely, flawlessly good"
twitter.com/lisatomic5/sta
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qc you cannot possibly expect that when you tweet incredibly exposing things about your psyche that people won’t make impressions about you based on those tweets even if those were a year ago
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