i think the "schrodinger's rapist" meme actually fucked me up subtly but really badly. somewhere along the way i internalized that literally every woman started their interactions with me by assuming that i was literally the worst possible kind of man
Conversation
there's a specific pattern to when i feel like i'm capable of starting a conversation with a woman i don't know and it boils down to "do i have reason to believe that she has reason to believe that i am not literally a rapist"; without that i am overwhelmingly terrified
1
74
if we have even a single mutual friend or are attending the same event together i have no problems because that's enough to overcome that one hurdle. vibecamp was particularly nice here because everyone just knew me from twitter already which was *extremely* relaxing
1
57
otherwise i feel like i have to... somehow overcome this burden of having been assumed to be a rapist, while not *talking* about that and pretending that she ought to believe that i am just a normal person? just absolute insanity why the fuck did i decide to do this
2
69
okay yeah this is making some things click into place. the whole concept of men cold approaching women has always confused me *so much* on a visceral level and i think it's because of this specific thing. fucking hell
Replying to
there's a whole thing i'd like to write about in more detail at some point about the way i feel like feminism became my de facto religion growing up. the central myth was The Rape, the most holy figure was The Rape Victim, and the most sinful figure was The Rapist
5
3
68
really not a pleasant combo to first be told โhey so rape is the worst thing everโ and then โalso all women everywhere assume you do it until you somehow prove to them that you donโtโ ๐๐๐
5
1
73
Quote Tweet
Replying to @jessicamalonso and @QiaochuYuan
When someone's in their head, spinning about how women are and what women think and how I might end up thinking or feeling about them, they don't really seem like they're actually there with me, and can't be aware of how I'm really feeling - including what I do and don't want.
2
29
some of you are doing a really good job of making me regret talking about this in public
8
1
20
Replying to
I used to kind of have this fear as well. One thing that helped me get over it, as fucked as it sounds, was thinking about how most rapists already have some preexisting relationship with their victim.
1
3
Playing the tape backward, if I *don't* have such a preexisting relationship with someone, and if I'm able to relax and come off as comfortable in my own skin, most people will pretty quickly relax in my presence.
That was the thought process that helped me get there, at least.
1
2
Show replies
Replying to
I got cold approached twice by guys yesterday & they were both polite about it even after I turned them down, so ime it can be done in a respectful way that gives me room to respond however I want.
the "am I safe with this guy" thought that mentions is real tho
1
6
a guy that is all positive/compliments/doesn't neg or seem entitled is gonna seem, at least in that moment, safe to say "no" to for whatever reason, or no reason at all.
if they get in their head about it/put you on a pedestal/relate to an image of you, that can be worrying
1
6