so far being in lisbon has involved wildly vacillating between feeling sort of okay about myself vs. feeling enormous spikes of anxiety, paralysis, shame depending on whether i am with people or not, what i ate that day, the temperature, how well i slept, hours of screentime
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i can't do several of the things i was depending on for grounding back in the states (very specific magnesium supplement, access to a car to go somewhere to process) and others my habits have been disrupted (stretching, walking) and that's been quite bad it turns out
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i sincerely have no idea what's going on. it feels like death by a thousand cuts but i could believe it's mostly the food. people say switching from US to european food makes you lose weight and i think losing weight sometimes causes spikes of anxiety and depression?
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also it's been much harder for me to avoid some of my food triggers here. gluten is common, garlic and onion are common, i think i taste seed oils in some stuff, it's a mess. i haven't found a single nearby restaurant that's definitely safe except the acai bowl place
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i really really do not like this, it makes me feel weak and fragile and sick. i don't at all enjoy having to be so careful around food, it's just a constant source of stress and i literally do not ever get a break from it, i literally have to think about food every day
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the nutrition guy i was talking to recommended some stuff to me but all of it seems to involve 1-2 weeks of adjusting to what he thinks is bacterial die-off and i stopped doing it because it was literally making me feel suicidal which is apparently a thing that can do
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plus i don't understand the extent to which negative feelings towards food could itself be exacerbating this whole thing so i'm not even sure it's *safe to be upset about this* which is a whole other level of insanity
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would appreciate your thoughts on what might be going on here actually, i could really use the help
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It could be that the new evironment brings some new triggers you haven’t got awareness of and they trigger you into dissociation so you don‘t put trigger and response together. Maybe creating more moments of safety however that personally looks will help to raise awareness.