My oldest turns 9 tomorrow and this is the first birthday I have ever felt deeply emotional about. I cried today just remembering a moment in a grocery store when she was 1 year old and she just sang the whole ABC song and I didn't even know she knew the song. I never taught her.
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And when she was 1 it just always felt like she'd be 1. Like we would have this infinite life together. And same when she was 3 and 5 and 8. You just see your kids and you recognize that they're so little and know they'll grow but it also feels like they will be forever that way.
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And looking back I just wonder if I did enough for her? Her childhood is so short. Did I make it magical enough? Did I hug her enough? Did I pay enough attention? You don't get that time back. And in the moment you have no idea how fleeting and precious that time is.
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She was this giant baby. The fattest. Born with black hair and now she's tall and thin with long blonde hair and a big smile and she sings and plays an instrument and reads and plays basketball and tells jokes. How did she become these things? It's like a seed, it was all in her.
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And I'm just here to let the seed grow. But I'm still shaken by the miracle of it. Like I see it but I can't understand how it works, no matter how much I understand the biology and psychology.
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Fundamentally being a parent puts you in touch with an experience of time that is otherwise forced out of our daily consciousness. And there are days, like your baby daughter's 9th birthday, where you see all the time at once. And you can't believe the tragedy and beauty of it.
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